random excerpts from four loud, obnoxious, drunk girls having a loud, obnoxious, drunken BBQ outside my windows tonight...
please imagine the following shouted at top volume, slightly slurred:
“LIIIIIIIIKE, she can be, like, SO selfish!”
“fucking STRIPPERS! bringing people they met at SKY BAR!”
“i heard he was GAY! at one point there was, like, gay-ish talk.”
“she’s pretty but, like, reeeeally trashy.”
“i’m gonna fuckin’ FREAK OUT!”
“who’s this JENNY girl?! how did he MEET her? she’s fucked UP!”
“skinny AND sketchy! sketchy and skinny! skinny and sketchy.”
“she, like, just wouldn’t, like...like, i know she’s INSANELY jealous!”
“i didn’t even realize until LATER ON that i had, like, SLUGS ALL OVER ME!”
“dave was about to kiss me and i was like, `AAAAAAAAGH!’”
“THE CAT saunters OUT of the BEDROOM!”
“i am ANGRY! you MADE ME this angry!”
“does him and her have kids?” (yes, that’s how she worded it)
“in high school, we could DO WHATEVER THE FUCK WE WANTED!”
“i’m hungry! i’m HIIIIIGH!”
“but is that your ass OR HIS?”
“i have to go to new york at 9am TOMORROW!”
“they were sitting and watching a movie with the DOG, and her DAD was LEAVING, and somebody said, `goodnight FATTY!’”
“there are a lot of girls who wanna have your fuckin’ baby!”
“dooooon’t! DON’T DO IT! you are SO WASTED!”
“i am SUCH A BITCH! i need to, like, keep my mouth SHUT sometimes!”
“ARE WE THAAAAAT LOUD?!?!?! why don’t YOUUUUU shut the FUCK UP!” (screamed in response to a disembodied voice in the darkness telling them to shut the fuck up.)
“i lovvvve her, i really do.”
11 comments:
See? You stayed in your room and the world offered itself to you.
LOL
LOL true.
I'm picturing Val, in pajamas, sitting near the window, white curtains blowing in the wind, notebook in hand, jotting down drunken comments, with eyes rolling uncontrollably.
i wasn't anywhere NEAR my windows...that's how loud they were. i was actually at my computer, thinking i might get some work done. erm, no. so, after a while, i just gave up trying to be productive, opened a word document and just waited for the gems to float in.
what i've written is just a TINY sampling. it went on and on and on and on for FOUR hours! the way my building is positioned, every syllable they utter in a normal speaking voice can be heard by every apartment...so when they're drunk, and loud and obnoxious, they might as well be standing at my desk shouting directly at me.
i kept praying for rain. it did not come.
My favorite; In High School, we could do whatever the fuck we wanted.
hahahahaha!!
clearly, at 21 or 22 (they're no older than that, i'm sure), they're still doing whatever the fuck they want. LOUDLY.
UGH.
Whereas, in my building the problem is when my downstairs neighbors decided to play Rock Band at 2:00am. If I hear "Black Hole Sun" (already a song I hated) warbled in drunk karaoke-style, heads are gonna roll.
Were they shooting an episode of The Hills outside your place?
no, more like A Shot at Love.
This post is amazing
what's funny is that, the whole time it was happening, i thought, "OMG, eric would LOVE this..."
i kind of regret not recording them.
OMG, I'm in a fit of silent giggles at my desk. This post IS amazing. And it makes me feel better about what I heard in my back yard.
The neighbor's hot tub is close to our fence, and while he was out of town, his daughter's friends (hopefully not random strangers) had a blast in it. They were probably no more than 15, and this is what they were saying at the top of their lungs:
"THANKS FOR HAVING SEX WITH ME PJ...Yeah, there was ANAL PENETRATION...Have you ever done that with a chick, or only with a dude?"
And on and on, for, like, two hours, with plenty of shout outs to dildos and various other porny things.
Wow guys, I bet your junior high asses see A LOT of action.
Gag.
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