musical interlude

how had i not heard of this group until now?!

FrapLap™ 2012

one of trixie's favourite junk-food items in the states is the mcdonald's mccafé caramel frappé. she LURVES them, and having one was tops on her "what i want to do in america" list during our recent sojurn south of the border.

on our second day in the U.S., her wish came true. we'd spotted a mcdonald's (right next to a whole foods!) and decided to pull in for some icy cool -- and delicious -- refreshment. i'd had my eye on mcd's frozen strawberry lemonade, which i'd first seen (but never had) back when mom and i were in florida. it looked like a swirly tropical delight, so that's what i wanted.

we ordered our beverages and a medium fries (so we'd have something salty to balance the sweet), then sat in one the franchise's brand new booths. we each took a sip of our respective frozen concoctions and promptly "MMmMMmmmmmm"-ed with glee. SO GOOD!

YB's favorite part of the caramel frappé is the whipped cream and caramel topping so, as she drank, she took off the rounded cup lid and started eating it with her straw.

we sat and ate and drank for a bit, and then we ran out of fries. after about three seconds of deliberation, we decided to get a second order because we each still had about 1/2 a cup of chilled goodness left to drink. "i'll get them," trix said, and headed back to the cashier.

she returned a few moments later with a small bag of fries, which she placed on the table between us. then, as she reached towards the bag to empty the fries, she accidentally connected with her unlidded cup of caramel frappé and sent its contents spilling into her lap.

i'm not exaggerating when i say i don't think i've ever seen a more horrified look on YB's face.

the whole thing seemed to happen in slow motion, yet we were powerless to stop it. so, trix wound up with pants covered in caramel-and-coffee flavoured slush and a big splattering of that precious whipped cream. it had also dropped down over the edge of the table, along her calf and right into one of her teva flip flops.

it was, in a word, messy.

thankfully, the night before, trix had purchased two new pairs of pants from eddie bauer (on sale for $10 each!), so she had something in the trunk of the car into which she could change. neither of us had packed a second pair of pants so, without those new ones, we would have otherwise had to head back to the hotel to do some laundry.

after wiping up as much of the slop as we could, trix walked (sort of bow-legged, so as to prevent wet-pant-to-leg contact as much as possible) out to the car, collected her fresh pants and then headed to the washrooms to clean herself off, change and then rinse the affected pants.

when she returned, we were finally able to laugh about it all. in fact, i was crying laughing at the memory of the expression on her face as her beloved beverage came cascading onto her lap. and it wasn't even so much the mess on the pants that was so distressing to YB -- it was actually the loss of the frappé itself… especially its most wonderful components.

easy come, easy go. (thankfully, she enjoyed two more unspilled frappés in the days that followed.)

birthday road trip: food diary

the amaretto tiramisu. SO DELICIOUS.

when YB and i travel to the states, eating at our favourite chains is usually at or near the top of our to-do list (often, this involves a fair amount of junk food), and the road trip we took this past weekend was no exception. here, then, is a sampling of what i had and where:

* two krispy kreme donuts
* one humungous auntie anne's pretzel
* one mint-chocolate-chip milkshake at DQ
* one mint condition cooler at caribou coffee
* the tomato-basil spaghettini at CPK
* the capellini pomodoro at the olive garden
* an art vandalay burrito at moe's
* a hot dog and fries at ted's
* a half-sandwich (bacon turkey bravo™) + salad at panera
* four designer shortbread cookies (pistachio, orange-almond, lemon-rosemary and white-chocolate/raspberry) from whole foods
* two frozen strawberry lemonades and one caramel frappé from mcdonald's
* one insanely delicious mini amaretto tiramisu (the olive garden) that i will dream of until our next journey across the border. *sigh*

things to do in cleveland (and erie) on your birthday

next weekend, YB and i will be embarking on a vickie's-birthday-weekend road trip to the USA. we haven't been on a road trip together since february 2011, when we went to buffalo for a day and niagara-on-the-lake for a wedding. that's more than a year! and we don't really count that as a "road trip" since it was all of two days and didn't take us farther than bew-falo.

trix has been feeling quite sad about mr. poo, so i'm hoping this return to our road-tripping form will help boost her spirits. it's hard to stay down-in-the-dumps when you're wandering the aisles at target, snacking on donuts at krispy kreme, enjoying mccafé frappés and scoring super deals on tons of stuff that's much more expensive in canada.

plus, it's mah birthday and i want to do something fun!

so, we're heading to cleveland -- a city we haven't visited together in at least two years -- for a couple of days and then stopping for a night in erie, PA, on the way back. [note: erie, and the entire state of pennsylvania, is the land of tax-free shopping. we love this.]

i've already registered for birthday freebies at a bunch of U.S. restaurants and retailers. my coupons for free auntie anne's pretzels, a free birthday beverage at caribou coffee and a BOGO at cold stone creamery have already arrived, and i should be getting my free starbucks drink, free panera surprise and free meal at moe's southwest grill in the coming days.

we're looking forward to a stop at the nordstrom café in beachwood, OH, for one of their delicious frozen-coffee drinks, and we'll probably be dining at CPK on friday afternoon. there's ted's hot dogs in amherst on our way back to toronto, and an interesting-looking stir-fry restaurant we may try.

we each have shopping lists and are delighted that the new duty-free cross-border shopping limit for canadians is a whopping $800 for 48 hours or more. that is, we can each buy $800 worth of stuff and not have to pay a penny of canadian taxes on it when we get back. [this new limit took effect on june 1st, 2012, and cross-border traffic has increased accordingly.]

i'll be looking for running shoes, pants, keens and cool sheet sets. i also have a long list of grocery and pharmacy items to pick up -- stuff that was too heavy to buy and cart home from florida. i know clothes and shoes are also on trix's list, as well as vintage fiestaware at this bargain-basement thrift shop in a sketchy part of erie (the places we'll go for a bargain!).

i'm very excited about this trip, and i'm hoping YB's enthusiasm will grow as the weekend gets closer. in the meantime, i've purchased my travel insurance and have begun packing my veryverysmall bag.

saying goodbye

early morning with mr. poo (january 2008).

my family said hello to my. poo when my parents adopted him on june 17, 2003. just shy of exactly nine years later, we all said goodbye.

as anyone who's been reading this blog knows, it had been a tumultuous and tiring few weeks of ups and downs in mr. poo's health of late. he'd spent the night at the pet hospital on friday, june 8th, and came home on saturday... but he didn't do well. he wasn't eating, and was (as i wrote at the time) spending all his time curled up in a sad little ball in the basement. he was also sneezing and snotty and totally congested. we left him at the vet's overnight again on monday the 11th, and the vet called my parents on tuesday morning to say kyle should probably stay another day. kyle's mass had been biopsied on monday afternoon, and we were all awaiting the test results, and the vet figured another night of being assist-fed would help kyle regain some strength.

on tuesday afternoon, the vet called my parents again to say that mr. poo had tested FIV-negative, which was good news. that meant that his immune system was okay, and that he'd hopefully bounce back sooner from whatever was ailing him. YB and i decided to go visit him in the pet hospital that night to see how he'd been doing and to offer him some cheering up.

a few minutes after we arrived there on the evening of the 12th, the vet came hurrying out into the waiting room and said that he'd been trying to reach us. he ushered us into an exam room and then said, "i don't have good news."

he went on to explain that he'd just gotten off the phone with our parents and had shared the news with them, as well: the mass in kyle's abdomen had turned out to be cancer. and, he added, it was the worst kind of cancer to get -- one that's very aggressive and invasive, and one that does not respond to chemotherapy. he explained that surgery wasn't an advisable option, either, since it was very rarely successful in cases like this. (mom had already decided a while ago that she didn't want to subject kyle to surgery, so we wouldn't have opted for it, anyway.) he went on to say that he felt like the tumour had actually grown slightly since he'd first felt it a few days prior, and that kyle had likely been in a fair amount of pain these past few weeks.

we knew what this meant: it was time to let our little guy go.

the vet began saying we could take kyle home for one more night if we wanted to have him with us to say goodbye, but neither YB nor i wanted to put mr. poo through the stress of travel back and forth. as well, we didn't want to prolong his suffering, and we knew that us going home for the night and knowing we'd have to return to euthanize kyle the following day would be unbearable.

"is there any way we could do this tonight?" i asked the vet.

and he said, "of course." it was already closing time at the clinic, but the vet (who was really wonderful through all this) said he and his colleagues would stay as long as we needed them to. trixie called my parents, who were weeping on the phone, and told them to come to the pet hospital. it was time.

the vet brought mr. poo into the exam room, and it was obvious he (kyle) was suffering. he looked terrible, and was like a limp rag. the vet said he'd given mr. poo some fairly potent painkillers earlier, so he was probably knocked out from those. by now, both trix and i were crying, and the vet gave us some time alone with our furry friend.

trix picked him up and held him in her arms, but he moaned a little with each movement. he'd been moaning and crying anytime we moved or carried him for the preceding few days, and now we knew why. he was hurting. she lay him back down, and we kissed him and stroked his downy-soft fur and told him what a good boy he'd been. i remarked at how frail and thin he looked -- such a contrast from the oafy cat who'd earned the nickname "fattie" years ago.

when my parents arrived, both were sobbing. my mother was absolutely devastated and my father, not surprisingly, had self-medicated himself into a haze. trix and i gave them some alone time with kyle and waited in the waiting room until it was time for all of us to say goodbye to kyle for good.

the vet gave us the option of being present for the euthanasia or waiting outside, and we all said we wanted to stay with kyle until he was gone. my mother sobbed that she didn't want him to die alone.

the vet talked us through what would happen and what he was doing, step by step. first, he gave kyle a sedative so that he'd get drowsy and stay calm. and, to some extent, that worked. unfortunately, kyle's actual passing was not very peaceful or calm. administering the sedative was an exercise in screeching cat, and kyle actually bolted off the table during the shot. the vet gathered him up and finished the sedation, but we were all kind of rattled by then.

after about 10 minutes of petting kyle and comforting him and waiting for the sedative to take effect, which it finally seemed to do, the vet produced the syringe with the life-ending barbiturates, and told us that kyle would be gone within seconds of being injected. he said it would be like a sigh, a last exhalation of breath, and then it would be over. he asked us if we were ready.

tearfully, we all said yes.

as soon as the vet touched kyle with that needle, though, kyle suddenly "woke up" and was panicked. he reeeeowred and tried to swing his head back to bite the vet, so the vet tech had to restrain him. this was what was most upsetting for all of us -- kyle was not calm and was not going peacefully. the last living image we all have of him is, sadly, his face straining, his mouth open in a loud moan and his fang caught in the knit blanket on which he was lying. in many ways, that was the most horrible part -- as if he knew what was happening and was fighting to get away.

once the vet actually did inject mr. poo, though, everything did end in seconds. the vet was right -- it was maybe three seconds after the syringe was emptied that mr. poo's little heart stopped beating and he was gone. mom sat down in a chair and just sobbed, and YB and i stroked mr. poo's head. the vet asked us if we wanted to feel the mass, and i said yes. he guided my hand to where the tumour sat, and it was probably the size of a large plumb. definitely bigger than i'd thought, and definitely very big, relatively speaking, for a cat.

the vet gave my mom a big hug and said she was a good cat mom. he reiterated that there was nothing she could have done to prevent cancer, and that we did the most loving thing we could do for kyle by letting him go. "it was one last favour you did for him," he said.

we all stayed with kyle for another 10 minutes or so. my parents left first, and YB and i stayed a bit longer to collect kyle's things (my mother said she couldn't bear to bring home his empty carrier). my parents had decided to have kyle cremated, and filled out the appropriate paperwork before heading home. trix and i weren't sure mom was in any condition to drive, but she insisted.

trix and i stayed with mr. poo for about another five minutes or so. YB said she felt bad just leaving him in the room, so we asked one of the vet techs if she could carry him out and away. she did, we collected kyle's carrier and walked tearfully to the car.

"i can't believe he's gone," trix kept saying.

the next couple of days were extremely sad. sorting through kyle's things and putting all his stuff (kibbles, litter box, etc.) away was heartbreaking. kyle had a big basket of playthings -- ranging from lengths of knotted string to ping-pong balls and cat toys -- which we dumped out on the living room floor. one by one, we went through them all so that we could each pick out a few to keep. the ones he'd never really used were bagged to give to a cat shelter; the ones he'd chewed beyond recognition were tossed. trix took home some of his blankets, and we each claimed one of his many collars. we did all this through a fairly constant veil of tears.

in the days that have followed, i've managed to grieve and return to life fairly normally. but i think that's largely because i have the benefit of distance -- i don't live in my parents' house, which is filled with reminders of kyle at every turn, and i never lived with mr. poo for any extended period of time. my parents saw him every day for nine years, and even YB lived at home with him for several years before she bought her house.

so, as is to be expected, they are all having a hard time with things. YB is especially sad and working through her feelings slowly. mom has her ups and downs -- it's most difficult around the times of the day that involved ritual (breakfast, dinner, bedtime) when she had one-on-one time with mr. poo. and dad... well, he's combining antidepressants with sedatives, so he's in a medicated fog and nicely detached from reality.

they've purchased a rose bush, which they're planting in the backyard today in kyle's memory. they're positioning it in a spot that would have been visible from kyle's favourite place at the back window. his ashes, when they're ready, will be kept inside.

what's been really amazing and wonderful is the outpouring of support and love from some of our friends through all this. YB and i have received many messages of condolence, and several of her friends even sent condolence cards. as well, a few weeks ago, i joined an online messageboard for cat owners whose pets had hyperthyroidism and, when i posted on tuesday night that kyle had passed away, the members of that board flooded me with kind, caring and thoughtful condolences. i was so incredibly moved. i copied the messages and passed them on to YB and mom, who were both floored that virtual strangers could be so compassionate. (i was not surprised, though -- i know from experience that you can meet life-long friends on a messageboard. :-))

my parents' house feels weirdly empty these days. its lovable and ornery smallest resident is gone, but the hole he's left behind is enormous and will take some time to fill back up again.

a very sad 24 hours

last night, just over 24 hours ago, we said goodbye to mr. poo. i'll write more about it later, but i wanted to let you know that the mass in his abdomen turned out to be a cancerous tumour, and the type of cancer was very aggressive and very invasive. it does not respond to chemotherapy, and surgery was not advised (the vet said it's rarely successful and would be pointless).

so, we all gathered at the pet hospital, held mr. poo and hugged him and kissed him and then... he was gone. it was extremely difficult but, at the same time, not difficult. we knew we were doing the loving thing by letting him go and ending his suffering. the vet said he figures kyle was likely in a fair amount of pain, and the mr. poo we saw last night was more like an empty shell of a cat -- his spirit had long since moved on.

mr. poo (1997 - 2012)

the saga continues

mr. poo in his "sick room" in the basement. photo taken yesterday.

unfortunately, kyle is still an ailing feline. in the photo above, he's in my mother's sewing room. it had been quite dark in there until i turned on the light to take this photo. he'd been on that little piece of duvet for a while, and he stayed there, like that, for a while after i turned off the light and left. he hasn't been brushed in almost two weeks, and he's got no energy to groom himself, so his velveteen fur has kind of lost its sheen. he looks like such a sad, curled-up clown.

to backtrack a little...

kyle spent friday night at the pet hospital. they called mom around 7pm that night to say that he was doing "very well," eating and responding well to his pain and anti-nausea meds. the vet tech said she saw no reason why he couldn't go home in the morning. it all sounded so positive!

YB, mom and i went to the vet's office on saturday morning to get the full results of all mr. poo's tests and to take him home. the vet told us that kyle had apparently eaten quite well overnight, so that was a relief. and his weekend blood tests revealed that his hyperthyroid condition was now under control after only one week on his meds. we were very pleasantly surprised!

the vet said he'd examined mr. poo again earlier that morning and that, once again, he could feel a mass in his upper abdomen. the plan was for us to take kyle home, monitor his eating (which the vet hoped would continue to be normal) and then touch base today (monday). if all went well over the weekend, the vet would schedule kyle for his biopsy.

as we were checking kyle out of the pet hospital and settling the bill, we noticed him sneezing. a LOT. like, one sneeze after the next. one of the vet techs said he might have inhaled some dust or something in his nose, so we didn't really worry. she also told us about how well kyle had eaten, and that he was "such a sweet cat!"

she added that he takes pills "really well," which was a shock. trying to get a pill in him at home is next to impossible, so we asked her what technique she used (and she showed us). she said she and kyle had played a bit that morning, then added with a laugh, "he does NOT like to have his stomach touched."

we all laughed, because he really really doesn't. "we probably should have mentioned that yesterday," i said. "he also doesn't like other cats." the vet tech said she figured that one out because kyle would hiss whenever one of the resident cats (there are three) would walk past his cage.

the total bill for his previous day's visit and overnight stay and tests and meds and foods was $850. mom gasped (the estimate had been $710 but they'd re-dosed him with extra fluids and meds that morning).

on the way home, kyle meowed in a pitiful way and then lay down in his carrier. when we got home, i opened the carrier door... and he stayed inside. that's unlike him. he wobbled out after a few seconds and then seemed sort of disoriented -- he would wander around the house, then flop down, then get up and wander, then flop down... over and over again, room to room. we figured the pain meds they'd given him just before we'd picked him up were maybe making him totally loopy. he eventually settled down for a nap and i headed home.

given that he was on an appetite stimulant, we figured he'd be ravenous... but he was not. instead, he had a little food and then went back to the basement to lie in his "sick room." and when he's in there, we know he's not feeling well. he spent most of the evening there, didn't eat much dinner and, overnight saturday to sunday, ate only a 1/4 can of food.

long story short: his condition was not improving. it was clear that he'd come down with a nasty cold -- he was sneezing and we could hear the congestion in his sinuses when he'd breathe. it sounded the same way a very snotty child's nasal breathing would be. cats with colds typically don't eat because they can't smell their food. so, because he was fully congested and hadn't eaten much since coming home, mom took him back to the vet this morning and i met them both there.

kyle is being kept at the pet hospital again tonight. his biopsy was scheduled for this afternoon, and the vet is also testing him for FIV/FeLV (the latter of which is the feline leukemia virus). if he has either of those, and the mass turns out to be cancerous, the vet said the outlook is "not good." FIV+/FeLV+ cats do not respond to anti-cancer meds, so there really wouldn't be any treatment options.

tonight, the vet techs will syringe-feed mr. poo if he doesn't eat on his own. he'll get IV fluids again, and more anti-nausea + pain meds. because feline colds are very contagious, he's actually being housed in the dog room. and trixie's going to stop in to check on him on her way home from work. (the vet said this would be okay.)

i asked the vet if it's possible that mr. poo's current state could be entirely due to his cold, and the vet said yes. it's possible that his poor eating and all the stress of the vet visits and new medications and the like just threw his immune system for a loop, and the cold virus will just run its course within the week and everything will be fine. the first step will be the FIV/FeLV results. if those turn out to be negative, the prognosis gets quite a bit rosier.

i'm really hoping that's the case. 

oh, mr. poo...

it was a sad and scary morning. the short version of the story: mr. poo is sick.

the long version of the story:

the new vet (dr. andre) said he thinks there's more going on than just the hyperthyroidism, and that he felt "a mass" when he examined kyle's abdomen. he said he wanted to be honest with us and told us it could be cancer, it could be pancreatitis or it could be something as simple as a stuck hairball.

his exam was VERY thorough (mr. poo even had a rectal temperature taken), and much more so than the one from the previous vet. dr. andre also showed us how to administer the ear cream and was very detailed in his explanation of things. and he answered all our questions honestly and thoroughly.

he was surprised (not in a good way) that the previous vet would not give us the high-cal food and would not prescribe anti-nausea drugs. "i don't want to say bad things about my colleagues, but..." and then he shook his head. he didn't think her refusal/reluctance was a sound decision, and he agreed that the most important thing is to get mr. poo to eat, NOW, no matter what.

so, he recommended keeping kyle at the clinic overnight. we agreed, because we know he'll be better off under medical supervision, being fed and medicated and monitored and tested. and we can rest assured that someone's looking after him and that his condition is being treated.

while he's there, they're going to run another full blood panel to check his liver, pancreas and kidneys, along with his T4 (thyroid hormone). they're doing X-rays to find out what's in his belly and, if it turns out to be a tumour, will do a needle biopsy, as well. they're going to give kyle pain meds (because the vet believes he is in pain from whatever's in his abdomen) and IV fluids. they'll also syringe feed him high-calorie food and give him anti-nausea medication.

they're going to call mom with some or all of the test results later today, and we'll go back to meet with the vet again tomorrow morning, when he'll go over all the results with us and discuss next steps. 

dr. andre seems very nice and very understanding, and i liked the way he handled mr. poo. he would apologize to kyle after each examination and stroked mr. poo's head as he talked to us -- the previous vet would just manhandle him and didn't really touch him unless she had to.

as for the patient, mr. poo looked SO SAD and pitiful throughout the visit. he just lay on the exam table the same way he lies under my mother's sewing table in the basement -- on his side, head on the table, deflated, collapsed, not moving. (except, of course, during the physical exam, when he was VERY angry... then completely exhausted.)

dr. andre said all anyone has to do is look at kyle to see that something is not right. his vet tech said the same thing when she came in to talk to us.

i'm very glad we went to get a second opinion instead of following the first vet's "wait and see" plan. hopefully, we haven't already waited too long. and i'm worried about what they might find. both mom and i were in tears by the time we left.

if it does turn out to be cancer or something more serious, we may have to decide whether to pursue treatment. if mr. poo's quality of life will be compromised (pancreatitis is apparently painful and i'm sure cancer is no cakewalk, either), i don't know that having him endure more suffering would be the humane thing to do.

hopefully, though, it'll be something simple and easily fixable, like the hairball or some stool, and mr. poo will bounce back once he's got some food in him.

please think good thoughts for mr. poo

we're taking him to a new vet tomorrow morning. he's thrown up twice today and hasn't eaten a thing since last night. he's curled up in my parents' basement at the moment and hasn't come upstairs all day.

we are all completely knotted with worry and are saying (more) prayers tonight for our furry little friend.

highlights: real

unfortunately, mr. poo has still not improved. his appetite is very weak, and he looks like a furry, deflated balloon when he lies on his side.

mom went to the vet today to see about getting an anti-nausea prescription because we suspect he's not eating due to nausea, but the vet refused and said we need to wait to see how kyle does on the meds first (because she believes the nausea will go away once the meds start working).

in the meantime, he hasn't eaten more than a couple of tablespoons of food each day (sometimes not even that) for the past TWO WEEKS. and, just now, i read that nausea could be a side effect *of* the medication and that it should go away... over the next few MONTHS. his tiny stomach cannot wait that long.

mom is stressed out of her mind and has taken to being very curt and falsely chirpy when YB and i call or offer suggestions or stop in to visit mr. poo. she doesn't want to talk about kyle and doesn't want to hear what we have to say anymore.

we will have to talk about him, though, because i discovered tonight that both his vets (there are two who work at the clinic where he goes) had their licenses suspended for a month in 2009 for "professional misconduct"! they failed to properly care for a sick dog and the owners brought them before the provincial veterinary board.

so, i've spent the past four hours researching area vets. mr. poo is going to get a second opinion if trixie and i have to take him to a new vet ourselves (which, in all likelihood and based on mom's resistance, we will on saturday).

i am exhausted. i worry about kyle every waking hour. i just want him to EAT. i don't know how much longer he can survive on this few calories, and i fear that, if he doesn't get a good amount of food into him veryverysoon, i'm going to get a phone call that he collapsed or had a seizure... or worse.

update: mom called this morning to say that kyle did eat overnight. PHEW. not a lot: a tablespoon or so of kitten kibbles (which are high in calories, thank goodness!), some chicken flavour baby food and a little of his adult wet food. so, that's a relief. she reported that he's also a little peppier this morning, which is also good.