the plan

i’ve been feeling a little unmoored of late. personally and professionally. just kind of... adrift. directionless. spending more time than i probably should looking at my life and thinking, “what am i doing?”

am i happy? what do i want? where do i want to be? who do i want to be? am i wasting my time? am i squandering it day after day?

am i living up to my full potential? do i even know what my full potential is?

and so on.

earlier tonight, i chatted online with a friend overseas, relaying my existential ponderings and hoping that talking (or typing, as it were) it out might help me find some answers.

unsurprisingly, it did not. at least, not the kind of crystal-clear, definitive, be-all-and-end-all-and-solve-all answers that would make everything so much easier.

but it did help to open my eyes a little – “opening my eyes” being another recent, recurring theme for me – to the fact that i feel i am not doing enough. in various contexts and relating to assorted areas of my life. that somehow i feel like there’s more to life than what i’m experiencing, and that there’s so much more to living than the way i’m doing it. not that there’s some exciting adventure i’m not taking or some remote place i’m not visiting... just that i could be living more but, for whatever reason, i’m not. that i am to blame for the shortcomings in my own life.

to be clear, it’s also not a feeling of inadequacy, but more one of disappointment in myself. sort of like looking in the mirror and recognizing that i can do better than this. that i deserve better than this. and then asking myself, “why aren’t you trying?”

so, i have some work to do. both literally and figuratively.

in the meantime, i’ve realized that i haven’t really been blogging enough, either. i know people visit this site daily, but i don’t write daily... so maybe i should.

to that end, for the next 30 days, my plan will be to write something every day. not every entry will be as epic as some of the ones i’ve written in the past few weeks, but i’ll write something. it’ll be a little exercise for myself and, if all goes well, i’ll wind up with 30 really unique, kick-ass entries when all is said and done.

i might not feel like it’s enough when those 30 days are over, but it’ll be a pretty decent start, i think.

see you tomorrow...