the reading, part II: breathing...

i have to say, the first few minutes of the actual reading portion of the reading were somewhat surreal and a bit of a blur. it was such a huge moment that i found myself swallowed by it a little... but that’s okay, because it was a good kind of swallowing.

i’ve worked on this screenplay, on and off (with many years of “off”), since 2002. the last time i did work on it in any kind of intensive way was 2006, after which i lost momentum, put it on a shelf and left it there until this past september. nonetheless, throughout that time and the script’s umpteen incarnations, the words i’d written had existed solely in a vacuum – on paper (or on my laptop screen), yes, but the story itself was basically played out in my head with no tangible form or weight, and the characters, no matter how colourful, were two-dimensional. they changed shape and voice over and over again from revision to revision, but even when i was certain i’d nailed them in my mind there was no way to know whether what i’d imagined would ever translate in the real world.

then, suddenly, this monday, it’s like a light was turned on and everything came alive before my eyes. ten actors and a narrator were gathered in a semi-circle, scripts in hand, lifting my story off the page and planting it firmly in reality.

as the first words floated out and bounced around the room, i did have something of an out-of-body moment where i realized, “wow. this is actually happening.” it was a combination of delight, anticipation, fear and wonder. i’m having a table read. omg. here were all these people, most of whom didn’t know me, coming together on a brisk december night... for me. for what i’d written. just because. i certainly didn’t have the money to pay anybody, and none of the folks there owed me any favours or anything, so i felt myself a little overcome with gratitude for their generosity.

then, before i let myself get too caught up in my own head, i redirected my attention towards the task at hand.

the reading was fascinating. as i listened to the story progress, and watched the actors acting, i found myself getting excited each time i knew a new character was being introduced to the proceedings – what would the actor sound like? what would his or her choices be when it came to line readings? what would they add of themselves to the fictional people i’d created?

turns out the answer to that last question was: life.

the characters had personality. spunk. depth. sadness. humour. they breathed for the first time. and, even though this was simply a table read and not about performance, some really fantastic magic emerged thanks to the talented cast. conversations infused with emotion. a pause here, an inflection there, a whisper at just the right moment in just the right way. the screenplay wasn’t just being read flatly, it was being acted. and acted well! in addition to witnessing the birth of the characters (two of whom, i decided, likely won't make it into the next draft), it was interesting for me to see which scenes and which exchanges just seemed to fly right off the paper and light up like fireworks... and which ones dragged a little, felt dull and lacked punch. which ones needed cutting and which ones could have used a little more exploration. no matter what, though, i never got the sense that anyone was just phoning it in. one actor was even struck with some kind of alien head cold halfway through, but she stuck it out right to the end anyway. trooper!

as the evening went on, i kept checking the faces of the people in the room, looking for signs of disinterest or displeasure, but i’m relieved to say i found very little. everyone clicked along, the story took shape, i noticed plenty of spots where i really should have trimmed the stage directions, and we all just kind of sank into the process. i did realize that, more often than not, i was paying attention to the actors and not the script in my lap, so i barely took any notes at all. (it should come as no surprise that i’m thus very relieved the reading was being recorded so that i can listen to it again later.)

at the halfway mark, we took a break so folks could grab a snack or a glass of water or pee. a bunch of people checked in with me to see how i was doing, how i thought the reading was going and to ask after the recipe for one type of cookies i’d brought. and then the actors promptly regrouped, started up again and read through to the end.

shortly after the second half of the reading began, and with a renewed sense of calm and ease, i paused for a few moments to inhale deeply and take stock of the whole thing. the room. the people. the emotions. everything. to just breathe it in and savour it and feel glad that it was happening. again, i knew i should have been focused elsewhere and on doing my job, but i also didn’t want to let the night slip past without taking a few breaths to absorb everything around me and within me.

after all, fully experiencing life's moments, big and small and life-changing, is one of the screenplay's recurring themes, so it felt like the perfect thing to do.

to be continued...