reason #54 my father should not socialize

he is renowned for the tactless non-sequitur.

yesterday, my mother went out for lunch with one of her oldest friends, AB. they've known each other since they were teenagers, but are lucky if they manage to see each other once a year nowadays because AB lives way, way out of town. she'd long been partnered with a man of whom none of us were overly fond, so that cut visits down. he'd later developed alzheimer's in the final years of his life, rendering AB housebound in the middle of nowhere. he died two years ago and, from what AB's said, his last days were extremely difficult for them both.

after lunch, mom and AB decided to return to my parents' house for coffee and cake and chatting. they sat down in the front room and, within a few minutes, dad lumbered in to join them. i followed in shortly thereafter to referee, if needed.

as mom and AB tried to enjoy pleasant conversation, dad kept interjecting. often changing the subject even though the subject didn't need changing.

then, during one such interruption, out of nowhere he said, very flatly and matter-of-factly to AB, "so, i meant to ask you, when he (the late partner) died... where did you put him?"

my mom and i exchanged looks of, "WHAT DID HE JUST ASK???"

"he was cremated, right?" dad continued. "so, where did you put him?"

and, after AB answered, trying to keep it light but clearly not wanting to talk about the ashes of the man she'd loved for more than 20 years or reflect upon his death, dad launched into his own story of how, if he were to be cremated after he dies, he'd like his ashes sprinkled in the parking lot of a canadian tire store.

then, he joked that if it was left up to my mom and me, we'd probably just toss him in with the recycling.

"yup. that's what the compost bin is for," i said.

fin.