confession/compunction

sorry.

i fell into a hole at the end of last week and have spent the past several days trying to find my way out of it.

it was a delayed, amplified response to my end-of-year melancholy, and one i thought i could just shove down inside and pretend away. but i couldn’t, and it all came bubbling up to the surface, unexpectedly and randomly and somewhat embarrassingly, on friday. i spent the day treading water in tears i couldn't seem to regulate, and the next few days struggling to sort things out for myself.

as such, i didn’t feel like writing. not anything. not anywhere.

the e-break also happened because i knew if i did force myself to write something, it would probably wind up being depressing and sad and extremely self-critical. i didn't want to indulge that insidious part of my brain more than i already had, or slap its self-destructive musings up for the world to read, so i decided to step away for a spell.

i apologize if anyone worried while i was offline. i know from an email or two that a couple of you did, so i’m sorry about that. and, just FYI, i’m okay. i’m not out of the hole completely, but am certainly feeling better... back to carrying the mountain away pebble by pebble and all that.