pausing for consideration

(note: further travel tales will resume tomorrow.)

earlier tonight, i met up with my nurse friend. she’s been out of the country for a month on her honeymoon, so we were catching up. we talked for a while – she asked how i’d been, and vice versa, and i updated her on health matters and such.

in her absence, i’d taken over running the weekly meditation group for two sessions, and she wondered how it had gone. as a group veteran, i’ve run it before, and i said that i’d actually quite enjoyed doing it this time. that there was something about that sense of duty or responsibility or what have you that made me feel good... like i’d accomplished something, and done something positive and productive (however slight) on those days.

“would you ever consider becoming a teacher?” she asked. meaning: would i ever consider taking the certification courses and undergoing the intensive training so that i could teach this meditation process to classes.

“oh, i don’t think so,” i said. at this point, i'm not willing to commit that kind of time, energy, money and more time to something i don't want to pursue as a career.

then she asked me if i would be interested in apprenticing with her the next time she teaches a class. “you could just help me run the class. would you be up for that?”

and my first reaction was no.

it’s a big responsibility, and there’s a massive level of trust involved on the part of the participants. the people in the classes – which run for eight-week sessions – often have serious illnesses, or are recovering from serious illnesses, or have stress-related mental-health issues (e.g., depression, anxiety, etc.) and have actually been prescribed the course by a physician. so it’s not like i could half-ass it, or cut and run if i decided it wasn’t for me.

plus, i felt like i’d be phoning it in – my meditation practice has been choppy at best of late, and that’s after a loooooooong spell of no meditation at all, so i said, “i don’t know if i have the right to be teaching or helping to teach, because i have no practice at the moment.”

“if you did this, you’d have a practice,” said my nurse friend reassuringly and encouragingly.

i told her i’d think about it. i was very honoured that she would ask me to do this because, as i said, the course is not something anyone at the hospital takes lightly, and leading it is not something just anyone can do... or is allowed to do. even in an apprenticeship capacity. it's kind of a big deal, and i'm treating the decision accordingly.

and the more i’ve thought about it, the more i think i might do it.