ode to the cupcrap: a cautionary po-eme

ode to the cupcrap: a cautionary po-eme

dear friends, i’d like to ask you pay attention to this rhyme

to heed its sombre warning and avoid a baking crime

if cravings for a cupcake ‘round your belly tightly wrap

fall not under the spell of something i call the “cupcrap”

cupcraps are a dessert no human being should endure

they’re made of disappointment but are coated in allure

they *look* like perfect morsels of delicious, frosted joy

instead they’re lumps of failure, manufactured to annoy

the cake is often crumbly, way too dry or over-dense

its flavour sorely lacking in a way that makes no sense

its freshness may be suspect, on the brink of being stale

a base so unimpressive all delight is soon derailed

the icing is no better and, in fact, is often worse

a slathered-on concoction so appalling it’s perverse

it’s oily or it’s greasy or it’s laced with sugar grit

it’s hardened like a shell and for consumption it’s unfit

together all these factors make a “treat” that really blows

(and trust me when i say that i’m someone who really knows)

each bite just makes you sadder you have spent your hard-earned cash

on something you’re now tempted to toss soundly in the trash

to dive into a cupcrap is to bid your bliss farewell

to drop from pure excitement to the second ring of hell

each mouthful is a letdown, every sprinkle met with scorn

and by the time you’re finished you feel cheated and forlorn

“so how...”, i hear you asking, “... can i spare myself this woe?”

“where are the perfect cupcakes?! tell me, vickie, do you know?!”

to that i say: crack research! do it early, start to eat!

a palate is subjective, so no rule can be concrete

it takes a world of sampling lots of wares from many shops

to find the gems you love and cast aside the junk that flops

so when that need arrives you’ll know exactly what to do

to score a few that rock and not some duds that taste like poo.

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© yepimawriter 2010