christmas: spirit

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: sometimes, the universe gives you what you need.

for the past few days, i’ve been in a little bit of a pre-christmas funk. this is always a melancholy time of year for me, and this month, despite my best efforts to the contrary, i’ve found myself dwelling a lot on what was, what isn’t and what might have been. a recipe for funk if ever there was one.

i’ve also been missing christmas – more specifically, i’ve been missing the way christmas made me feel when i was a girl. i used to look forward to christmas all year long, and would then spend every minute of december, waking and non-, gleefully immersed in all things festive and merry and bright. but, as the years have gone by, that’s become harder and harder for me to do.

instead of anticipation, i feel longing, and instead of being up to my eyeballs in yuletide joy, i feel like there’s an invisible wall between it and me. i can see it, i can recognize it, but somehow i’m not a part of it anymore. not because i’m swamped with a christmas to-do list, or buried in party invitations, or rushing around in search of gifts and don’t have time to enjoy the season. i have loads of time, but connecting to christmas in my heart has felt... i dunno. like something’s missing.

all this to say, when i picked up my mail this morning, i found a surprise. there was exactly one item in my mailbox: a card addressed to “bernard the spaceman.”

many of you will recall bernard – i first stumbled upon one of his kind more than a year ago, but left him to fend for himself in the subterranean world of toronto’s transit system.

then, my friend lou – who’d been aghast that i’d abandoned my subway spaceman – decided i needed a spaceman in my life, so she sent me one and he arrived exactly one month later. i named him bernard, and he’s been all over the place with me. his exploits have been documented in photos and, sadly, one such adventure back in april resulted in bernard falling out of a tree and losing his communications transmitter.

i patched him up and he’s worn his black “X” of courage ever since.

until today.

i opened the card for bernard and in it was taped a brand new communications transmitter. 

!!!!!

the card came from a friend of mine and her five-year-old son, who’d received a Star Wars lego set for his birthday and wanted to send bernard (whose adventures he’d followed online) a spare transmitter. in the accompanying note, my friend explained they wanted bernard to have it “so he can call home for the holidays.”  

i’m not lying when i say i teared up when i opened that card. it was such a wonderfully sweet and thoughtful gesture. so simple and yet so meaningful to me. not only did i get a card, which is something i love, but my wee intergalactic buddy was returned to his former glory thanks to a pint-sized pal neither one of us has ever met. i felt warm and remembered and christmas-y.

the gift, and the delight it brought me, truly made my day and infused a little of what i’ve been missing back into my heart.

for that, i’m most grateful. (and so is bernard.)