the fanglish patient

mr. poo isn't doing so well.

over the past three days, it's been up and down and up and down as far as his health and condition are concerned. i've been playing nursemaid when i can (i worked a short day yesterday and took the day off work today to be at my parents' house to care for him), but it's getting exhausting.

i've barely slept since sunday -- about three hours, average, a night, except for last night when i managed a good, much-needed 6.5. i was worried sick about kyle when the week began, and extremely frustrated at the passive approach my parents are taking towards his illness/treatment.

i've been googling my ass off, joining feline-hyperthyroid messageboards online (which has proven invalauble!), trying everything under the sun to get mr. poo to keep drinking and keep eating, no matter how small the quantity. the longer a cat doesn't eat, the harder it is to get the cat to *start* eating again. and cats will starve themselves -- if there isn't any food around that the like, they just won't eat.

so, it's been a huge game of trial and error. at times, i've had to feed him his food one fingerful at a time. i've minced shrimp and bought at least eight different kinds of cat food in a bid to find *something* he'll eat for more than twelve seconds.

and it's frustrating that, after finally getting him into some kind of eating habit, i go back home to my place, my mom takes over and... he stops eating. she hasn't gone to any of the websites for which i've provided URLs, hasn't read any of the messageboard info and said to me last night that she "has no patience" for the internet. i told her she's going to have to develop some. now's not the time to sit back and hope mr. poo magically eats on his own or gets better by himself -- he needs constant care until he gets his meds (tomorrow -- finally!), starts taking them and they start working.

putting a bowl of food in the basement and then just leaving it there for him to (maybe) find ain't gonna cut it. that boy needs to eat!

because i've been looking after mr. poo for much of the week, i'm also insanely behind on an entertainment essay that's due on monday. (it was originally due tomorrow, but i had the foresight to ask for an extension -- the first time i've ever done that -- due to potential feline needs over the course of this week. my editor very happily granted me one.) i'd planned to spend today doing all my research and collecting quotes and the like, but have instead spent the entire day thus far following mr. poo around with all manner of foodstuffs.

when trix finally hit on the shrimp, it was a huge relief. he's eaten five so far, which is better than nothing.

and, hopefully, by tomorrow at this time he'll FINALLY be on the road to medically managed recovery. because, right now, he is one sad, skinny, uncomfortable, listless cat.

nightengale tales

just look at that face (snapped december 2011).

despite the update i posted on saturday at noon (see previous entry), mr. poo had a rough weekend.

on sunday morning, just before we were going to head out to IKEA, trix and i phoned mom to find out how kyle's night had gone and if he'd eaten anything. she said he had some of his new food for dinner on saturday and for a bedtime snack later that night, but that he hadn't yet eaten anything that morning.

in fact, she said, he even wasn't waiting at the top of the basement stairs when she came down to open the door... which is the first time EVER that's happened in all the years he's been a part of the family. normally, he hears footsteps descending from the bedroom and is at the ready, meowing, by the time whomever it is reaches the basement door to let him out. as soon as that door opens a crack, he's out like a shot, purring and meowing and demanding breakfast.

sunday morning, though, she said he was nowhere to be seen. so, she went down to the basement to look for him and found him sitting on the floor, far from the stairs. he later went to lie down next to one of the dehumidifiers... where he stayed. just lying there, not reacting to anyone or anything.

by the time we called (just before 10am), mom had given him a little bit of mashed sardines, which he didn't touch. again, unheard of -- mr. poo would normally scarf that stuff down in two huge gulps. and, by the time YB and i arrived at mom and dad's (just after 12 noon), mr. poo had experienced what mom described as "explosive vomiting" in quantities she'd never before seen, and was once again lying in seclusion in the basement, exhausted and looking like he'd just collapsed in a heap.

it was alarming, to say the least.

i immediately went online and started searching for answers. cats with hyperthyroidism are more likely to die of starvation than anything else related to the condition, and his body was burning through calories he wasn't ingesting -- that is, his body was burning muscle, not food or fat. and, very clearly, he was feeling terrible. so, the big goal was to get some food into his system and to have it STAY there.

after some googling, YB and i headed to our local health-food-store-for-pets and bought assorted natural digestive aids -- both of which are added to food. we picked up a can of calorie-dense kitten food on the recommendation of the store staffer (who said it helps low-appetite cats consume more calories through smaller quantities), and went next door to the grocery store to buy some meat-based (human) baby food, which was also recommended.

something, we hoped, would work.

when we got back to my parents' house, we tried -- VERY unsuccessfully -- to get kyle to take some of the digestive-aid drops straight. trix held him and tried to open his mouth, but all it did was completely stress him out and leave YB with badly scratched forearms. mom was also upset -- she didn't want mr. poo to experience any further physical angst, so she wasn't happy about the attempted force-feed of medicine.

i decided to open one of the jars of baby food (chicken) and to add the digestive drops to that. i spooned out a small teaspoon-ful, added the stomach-settling medicine and placed the bowl in front of an extremely lethargic kyle. he sniffed it... then ate it! success!

shortly thereafter, i tried to get him to drink some of his water. dehydration is a serious concern when cats are vomiting (because they drink so little as it is, so losing fluid rapidly through vomiting puts them at risk for becoming dehydrated), so ensuring that he at least replenish his fluids became objective #2.

he wasn't interested in his water bowl. he wasn't interested in drinking from my hand, either (which he usually loves). i had been sitting on the floor beside him with my water glass beside me, and was about to get up, when he stood up, went to my water glass, sniffed it, stuck his head inside (it's a very wide glass) and started drinking!

and drinking.

and drinking.

and drinking.

and drinking.

i've never actually seen him drink that much at once before, so he was obviously VERY thirsty. and i was a little worried his system might react poorly to all that water all at once... but he kept it all down.

hooray!!!

i was SOOOO relieved that he was drinking because i knew that, once he was less dehydrated, he'd start feeling better. and if he started feeling better, he might start eating a little.

we kept a close eye on mr. poo for the remainder of the afternoon. gradually, and after a nap, he started to perk up. he sat at the living room, watching the birds outside, and then sat on the couch with YB. he wasn't looking so withdrawn and sick anymore, thankfully, just tired.

he was keeping his food and water down, so i'd give him a little more of each every 90 minutes or so... alternating between the digestive aids and always stirred into the baby food. better to have him successfully eat lots of tiny meals than to eat one big meal and then hurl it all up. his appetite seemed to be s-l-o-w-l-y returning, too. when it was time for his dinner, which would still be meagre as a precaution, he was actually sitting at my feet, staring up at me and licking his chops.

though i'd planned to head back to my place yesterday afternoon, i decided to stay the night instead. i wanted to monitor the patient until i was more confident he was okay. when it was time for him to go to bed, i prepped his medicated nighttime snack. this would be the big test: the overnight period. we had no idea if he'd wind up vomiting all the food/water he'd kept down all day, or if there might be some unforeseen side effect(s) of the digestive aids, so we all kept our collective fingers crossed. when i said goodnight, he was eating the small amount of kibbles i'd put in his bowl. i also left a teaspoon and a half of the baby food in another bowl nearby.

around 5am, the sound of rain woke me up... then my brain started working. how was mr. poo doing? had he thrown up? was he hungry? it had been six hours since i'd put him to bed... maybe i should go check on him? i tossed and turned for about 15 minutes before realizing that i would never fall back asleep as long as i was worried about kyle.

so, i got up, went downstairs and headed to the basement door. would he be there, waiting? or would he once again be lying down somewhere, having thrown up the previous day's successes?

i turned the doorknob and, as soon as the door was opened a crack, kyle shoved himself through and started meowing and purring. OH, THE RELIEF!!!! i quickly stirred some digestive aid into a little baby food and brought him back to the basement. i wanted to see if he'd thrown up, and if he'd eaten the food i'd left out for him when i'd put him to bed.

throw ups? all clear! nothing!

food gone? yes!

i put his middle-of-the-night snack down and he started eating. i dropped some kibbles in another bowl, said goodnight for a second time, and then closed the basement door and went back to bed. when i got up to give him breakfast just after 7:30am, he was once again right at the door, meowing and purring. he was a little less excited about his meals, but ate most of what i gave him. i also checked his litter box and was thrilled to see he'd used it overnight and that everything was, erm, normal. (honestly, we'd never been as excited about kyle's poop as we were today.)

when i prepared his mid-morning snack, though, he wasn't hungry or interested. i'm hoping it was because he was still "full" from his two breakfasts. mom and i did a little grocery shopping and then came home. i got mr. poo's lunch ready, but he only ate half -- the baby food half. thankfully, that was also the half that contained the digestive aid, so i'm hoping he's since finished his lunchtime kibbles, as well. he also had another long drink from my water glass, which i was happy to see.

before i left and headed home, i wrote up a feeding schedule for mom, so that she can introduce kyle's prescription food to the mix gradually over the next several days. when i talked to her just now, she said mr. poo spent the entire day up in trixie's room, lying on her bed and not eating his snacks. he'll be getting his dinner in about 15 minutes, so hopefully he'll have an appetite and get moving on that very crucial weight gain. his hips and midsection have become nearly skeletal.

i'm keeping all appendages crossed that we've cleared the biggest hurdle and that he starts eating normally again very very soon. he needs to pack on some pounds quickly so his body can absorb nutrients, level off its hormones and bounce back.

update: kyle finished his entire dinner... but mom just called (9:40pm) and, unfortunately, he threw it back up a few hours later. :-(

poor mr. poo *updated*

mr. poo is not well.

he'd been having digestive issues for the past week -- less-than-normal appetite, throwing up his meals, weight loss. he'd been losing weight very slowly for the past few months, ever since we switched him to an all-wet-food diet (which is better for cats), but had kind of plateaued around 11.2 pounds. he'd go up and down a few ounces from day to day, but 11.2 was the average for a long time.

yesterday, he was 10.5. that's almost a pound in a week, which is a LOT for a cat. (imagine if you lost 10% of your body weight in less than seven days.)

other than his weight and eating habits, though, he's still been exactly the same kyle. finicky, grouchy, lovey-dovey, playful and sleepy. still, weight loss is always a red flag when it comes to cats and, of course, googling his symptoms only resulted in fear and worry (for all of us) about what he might have.

thankfully, he was already scheduled for his annual check-up at the vet today. so, just before 9am, mom brought him over.

the vet apparently did a thorough physical exam and said she didn't feel any masses in his abdomen, but she did say that it's possible he might be suffering from a thyroid condition... or his kidneys might be failing. :-(

she took blood and will have the results tomorrow. we're all hoping it's something simple and easily managed, and that mr. poo still has a few more lives to go.

update: it's just after 12noon on saturday, and mom heard back from the vet. kyle has hyperthyroidism, meaning his thyroid-hormone levels are off and his metabolism is working WAY too quickly. so, the vet has prescribed special diet food and they'll try that for four weeks. if his levels don't stabilize, then he'll have to be medically managed. so, it's a BIG relief to find out his kidneys are okay. now we just have to make sure he actually *eats* his new food. fingers (and paws) crossed.

frittering the day away

flo-rida 2012.

despite my best intentions, my lengthy to-do list for my day off remains only about halfway-done. it's now creeping up on 4:45pm and i'm not terribly optimistic about how much more will be finished before i put on my pyjamas, make spaghetti and settle in for the season premiere of So You Think You Can Dance.

nonetheless, i did manage to get some key items taken care of:

* i edited all my florida photos. now it's just a matter of finding time to upload and caption them all. i've opted to do this in baby steps to avoid photographic fatigue.

* i called my credit union to sort out all the errors that occurred when they changed ownership this past week. my account number's changed, my cheques need to be reissued and i have to redo all my direct-deposit arrangements with the various folks who pay me. but, thanks to a wonderfully friendly and helpful guy named jesse, it's all done and my financial affairs are, once again, in order.

* i collected my accumulated mail from last week, which the post office actually managed to hold correctly!

* i researched all manner of accommodations and destinations for a proposed birthday road trip next month. turns out, there aren't really a lot of luxury, birthday-indulgence type places in western new york, northwestern pennsylvania or northeastern ohio. the quest continues.

* i researched all manner of housing options in... oakville. yes, in my ongoing still-super-casual ponderings about my future and where i will live, i've been thinking about moving way west of the city, where i could get much more bang for my buck and live within walking distance of the lake. i'm by no means planning any kind of move in the near future, just continuing to explore my options.

* i wasted a LOT of time on the preceding two items. a lot.

still playing catch-up

the view from the balcony on a particularly still florida morning.

even though mom and i got home from florida on saturday evening, i'm still not done re-settling in and getting stuff sorted. i managed to download some 200-ish photos from my camera and *started* editing them, but realized it would be an hours-long process... and i haven't yet had hours to spare in order to sit down and do it.

i've got a backlog of writing and errands and household chores to get done first. thankfully, i don't have to go into the office tomorrow, so i'll be able to get some of those things finished.

and, hopefully, a proper blog entry will be one of them!

back!

photos and stories to come. for now, the royal terns i saw daily.

headin' south!

this is where i will be every morning and every evening. 

shortly, i will be turning off the laptop and, with bernard in tow, heading out to the 'burbs. mom and i leave first thing tomorrow morning and, by tomorrow at this time, will be back at the condo in florida. i'll be offline for the duration of the trip, but will come back with photos and stories, i'm sure!

"the circle was always perfect"

so, last night was the final meditation-group session and, as expected, it was sad.

the turnout was substantial -- we normally have about eight to ten people show up, but close to 50 came yesterday. the mood was fairly solemn, though there were numerous efforts to lighten things up.

i found myself completely unable to actually meditate, though, because i couldn't get my head past the "this is the last time we'll ever do this"-ness of the proceedings. the funny thing about meditating in a room full of other people meditating is, normally, the really strong, positive, meditative energy you can actually feel as you do so. last night, though, i closed my eyes and all i could feel was this dense sadness filling the space.

and i started feeling overwhelmed with the sense of community. more specifically, the potential loss of that community. being a part of a group of people who genuinely care how you're doing, who genuinely celebrate your successes and willingly help you weather life's trials, is a very special thing. and it's a magical thing when someone tells you how happy they are for you, and you know they really, truly mean it.

when we finished our first meditation, we began the routine discussion period. my nurse friend talked about why she chose to end the group, and mentioned that there's a chance it might start up again in the fall. it seems a meditation teacher she knows has been looking to take over an established group somewhere in the city, so she mentioned ours to him and he may take the reins. we'll see.

then, as we normally do, we went around the room and introduced ourselves by name. only this time, my nurse friend suggested that we also share something about the group that's meant a lot to us, or that we've learned, or just something that we wish for ourselves in the future. in my head i thought, "OMG, how am i going to say anything without crying?!"

the route around the room came to me very quickly. i was fourth. when my turn arrived, i couldn't speak. i knew that if i opened my mouth i wouldn't be able to not cry. so, i sat there, staring at the carpet tiles and trying to will myself out of the pre-cry mode. and, of course, the longer i sat there, silent, the more i could feel all eyes on me, waiting, worrying... and the more i could feel other people suddenly arriving on my wavelength.

a friend who was sitting beside me put her hand on my back. my nurse friend looked over, saw that i had tears welling in my eyes and, bless her, took over for me. "okay, so this is vickie," she said with a laugh (much to my relief!). "vickie's one of the original members of this group." in those few seconds, i managed to take a deep breath and then quickly said, "i was kind of hoping we'd go the other way around the room so i'd have time to compose myself!"

the group laughed. i took another breath and then just choked out, "friendship. that's what the group has meant to me. friendship."

my friend next to me started to offer her thoughts, but she got as far as her name and then the same thing happened to her. and, as we continued around the room, a couple more people found themselves teary... but not nearly as many as i'd expected. go figure. (most cried later, when saying goodbye to my nurse friend. there were SO MANY big, long, sniffly hugs.)

when the path of gratitude reached one of the smart-assiest guys in the group, who usually goes for the punchline or makes some kind of wise-guy remark (which we actually appreciate), he said his name, paused, and then added, "the circle was always perfect."

we were all taken aback.

it was just a beautiful comment, and we couldn't quite believe he'd been the one to say it. and, who knows, maybe he might still have been being a smart ass -- since the geometry of the weekly chair arrangement was occasionally an entertaining point of contention, this might have been his last poke at it -- but, really, he couldn't have put it any better.

the end of an era

tomorrow, the meditation group i've been attending for six years will hold its last session. and, probably, it will be quite sad.

my nurse friend, who's run the group since it began nine years ago, has been ill of late, and her doctors have ordered her to cut down on her hours and after-work activities. since the group is run out of the hospital, meets in a hospital space and uses hospital equipment, a hospital official must take responsibility for us. unfortunately, no one was willing or able to do so and, after trying to come up with some creative way to keep things going, my nurse friend sent an email to all of us last friday, announcing that may 10th would be our final time sitting together.

for many years after i graduated from the mindfulness meditation course on which this group is based, i went to the thursday-night group every single week. every week! even when i lived out in the 'burbs for those three months at the end of 2006. even during holidays. even when i was deep in my hole. i went every thursday because i really loved the group. and, though my attendance since starting the publishing-company gig last april became sporadic at best, it was always comforting to know the group was there, with or without me. every thursday. they'd be there.

because it's a drop-in group and the proceedings casual -- no registration, no fee -- dozens and dozens and dozens of people have drifted in and out. some came once and never again; others would come for several months and then disappear; and some of us are long-time members who always come back if we happen to spend some time away. and, of course, as i've mentioned before, sometimes people in the group die.

through it all, though, and amidst all sorts of changes, the group continued. every thursday. same time, same place.

but not after tomorrow.

though i've made some friends there whom i sometimes see outside the group, for the most part these are friends i would only ever see on thursday nights for this special thing we all have in common. and i do consider them friends -- we might not go to movies or meet for dinner or hang out but, in many ways, we know each other on much deeper levels because of what we've shared with each other in that room every week. i'm not sure how we'll all stay in touch, or if we'll stay in touch. tomorrow night may be the last time i ever see most of them.

i expect that the turnout will be huge, and that many people (me included) will cry when we sit down for the last time. i'm not really sure how it'll all go, since the significance of the event will likely keep everyone distracted and make any kind of meditation very very challenging. this will be our opportunity to say a final thank you... and, for many of us, a chance to say goodbye to each other before drifting off into myriad directions.

now... where was i?

oh, that's right -- i was pooped. POOPED. the grind of seeing films all day and then having to write about them all, EVERY DAY for ten days straight, turned out to be more tiring than i'd thought. i didn't actually finish all my fest coverage and assorted film writings until this past monday night, just before 10pm.

then, yesterday, i just had zero desire to write anything about anything... especially after spending the day at the office and writing there.

and now i'm back, though only briefly before mom and i head to florida. i have a bunch of work to get done before we leave -- including more work-related writing! -- so i make no promises about the resumption of daily blogging in the immediate future. also, i won't have internet access for the duration of my trip. i'm choosing to live offline for a whole eight days! i did it the last time we were in florida, back in 2010, and it was surprisingly wonderful... so, i'm doing it again.

anyway, we'll see how much i manage to post in the next few days...

daily blogging elsewhere

look, hot docs is on right now, and i'm seeing movies all day... then writing about my experiences at night or the following morning. there are only five days of film-going left but i'm starting to get a little tired. today, for example, i'm toying with actually seeing FOUR films in order to shave one off on friday so i can take a little breather.

as such, it probably makes more sense for you to read what i'm writing elsewhere instead of me trying to do double duty in both places.

or, if you're thinking, "meh, i don't care about documentaries or what vickie thinks about the cumberland line-ups...", no worries. you can wait here and i'll be back next week.