the end of an era

tomorrow, the meditation group i've been attending for six years will hold its last session. and, probably, it will be quite sad.

my nurse friend, who's run the group since it began nine years ago, has been ill of late, and her doctors have ordered her to cut down on her hours and after-work activities. since the group is run out of the hospital, meets in a hospital space and uses hospital equipment, a hospital official must take responsibility for us. unfortunately, no one was willing or able to do so and, after trying to come up with some creative way to keep things going, my nurse friend sent an email to all of us last friday, announcing that may 10th would be our final time sitting together.

for many years after i graduated from the mindfulness meditation course on which this group is based, i went to the thursday-night group every single week. every week! even when i lived out in the 'burbs for those three months at the end of 2006. even during holidays. even when i was deep in my hole. i went every thursday because i really loved the group. and, though my attendance since starting the publishing-company gig last april became sporadic at best, it was always comforting to know the group was there, with or without me. every thursday. they'd be there.

because it's a drop-in group and the proceedings casual -- no registration, no fee -- dozens and dozens and dozens of people have drifted in and out. some came once and never again; others would come for several months and then disappear; and some of us are long-time members who always come back if we happen to spend some time away. and, of course, as i've mentioned before, sometimes people in the group die.

through it all, though, and amidst all sorts of changes, the group continued. every thursday. same time, same place.

but not after tomorrow.

though i've made some friends there whom i sometimes see outside the group, for the most part these are friends i would only ever see on thursday nights for this special thing we all have in common. and i do consider them friends -- we might not go to movies or meet for dinner or hang out but, in many ways, we know each other on much deeper levels because of what we've shared with each other in that room every week. i'm not sure how we'll all stay in touch, or if we'll stay in touch. tomorrow night may be the last time i ever see most of them.

i expect that the turnout will be huge, and that many people (me included) will cry when we sit down for the last time. i'm not really sure how it'll all go, since the significance of the event will likely keep everyone distracted and make any kind of meditation very very challenging. this will be our opportunity to say a final thank you... and, for many of us, a chance to say goodbye to each other before drifting off into myriad directions.