"madam, my breast is not a mango"

mammogram: done! ultrasound: done! dentist appointment: done!

i'm pleased to report i have no cavities, and my dentist doesn't need to see me again for six months. i had a very thorough cleaning, had my fluoride treatment and then an exam. when the dentist said i was good to go, i let out a big sigh of relief.

my mammogram was not quite as delightful an experience. for starters, they were running behind at the usually-like-clockwork imaging center. normally, i arrive early, am taken early and leave early. today, i arrived early... and then sat and waited for about a half-hour.

then i was called in by a tech i'm going to call dot. she was barely five feet tall and looked to be in her late-40s or early 50s. small, but stocky and sturdy. friendly but looking to get things done quickly. she was clearly trying to make up for the delays by hurrying me into her mammography room as though i had been the one who'd kept her waiting. when i remarked that it seemed busy today, she sort of sigh-laughed and said that a lot of people had arrived late and set the appointments all behind.

anyway, if you recall, my inaugural mammogram was very efficient and fairly pleasant (as far as these types of tests go). my tech at the time was quick and gentle. today, though, dot -- despite her petite size -- shoved and yanked me around like a rag doll. she wasn't terribly good at giving direction so, instead of saying something like "i need you to move your left shoulder down a little," she would say, "move your left shoulder down" WHILE she was shoving my left shoulder down. eventually, i gave up trying to "help" her and just kind of went limp so she could position me however she needed.

and, unlike the first go-round, this mammogram sort of hurt. not bad pain or anything, but certainly a lot more discomfort than last time... and i think part of it was dot not raising the machine up to match my height (something i know it can do because IT DID IT LAST TIME). instead, i had to kind of slouch and contort myself to meet the machine rather than having it adjust to meet ME. she grabbed my breasts as though she were the steel claw in that arcade game where you try to pick up a stuffed toy from a vat full of crap. she approached my breasts as if they were the last mangoes in the "25¢ each!" sale bin, snatching them and yanking them away lest anyone else get there first. ow

anyway, after dot was done, she sent me back into the waiting room to wait for my breast ultrasound. thankfully, i only had to wait about eight minutes -- no small feat because it's FREEZING in toronto today and that waiting room was COLD. i felt bad for the men and women waiting in nothing more than boots and cotton gowns.

my ultrasound tech was much better than dot. i'll call her oksana. she was cheerful and gentle, and the ultrasound gel was the warmest thing i'd experienced at the clinic so far. she did her thing, sliding and clicking the transducer. every now and again, she'd slide and click repeatedly in the same small area here or there, which (of course) completely stressed me out and made me wonder if she'd seen something and then decided to go back over it for another look. i'll get all the results from dr. textbook next friday.

for now, overall, i'm relieved (about the dentist) and sore (from the breast assault). peter the heater is warming my apartment as i type this -- the temperature is dropping to -15ºC/5ºF (windchill of -23ºC/-9ºF) overnight, so i'm glad he's whirring away.