the facebook unfriending phenomenon

as an adult, i shouldn't really care as much about facebook as i do. i know this. i recognize how ridiculous it sounds when i'm speaking about FB as though it were an actual, physical place, and the goings-on within its digital walls as though they, you know, actually mattered.

don't get me wrong -- staying in touch with my faraway friends, sharing photos, sending funny messages or even just giving someone encouragement via a simple "like" are all parts of the experience i enjoy. i "hang out" with folks from work and many of you who read this blog and, however synthetic or virtual, it creates a sense of community and kinship for me.

but, like just about everyone with a facebook account, i have "friends" with whom i'm not really friends. people i either added hastily (though, i'm picky so those are few) or just haven't been able to bring myself to delete because the politics (yes, i just wrote that) of doing so would be more of a headache than just leaving things be.

last night, i was engaging in one of my favourite FB activities -- live commenting on TV with some out-of-town and in-town pals -- when one of my FB friends decided to pee in our corn flakes. i don't understand why this particular individual repeatedly posts comments with a very clear know-it-all tone, and i really don't know why anyone feels compelled to chime in to a conversation that did not involve them, between people who did not request an opinion. but what i find even worse, and borderline offensive, are the comments that essentially say, "you're stupid. your friends are stupid. what you like is stupid. i'm better than all of you."

which, in short, is exactly what happened yesterday. and it pissed me off. i find self-righteousness nauseating, and even more so when it's simultaneously hypocritical.

so, i was going to remove that friend from my friends list.

yet i stopped myself.

why?

because i didn't want to deal with the possible real-life, in-person ramifications. what happens if we're at the same event down the line? does removing someone from your FB friends list mean you're automatically ending your real-life friendship, or simply closing a branch of your online social network?

i think it's the latter. yet, for many, it's the former. another writer friend of mine wrote a very funny blog entry on this very subject a couple of months ago. it was about being unfriended on facebook (it had happened to her and she had no idea why), and what happened when she subsequently ran into that ex-FB friend at a coffee shop (awkwardness all around). it was also about what FB friend lists have become to otherwise sane, sensible, grown-ass adults -- namely, more important than their actual offline personal relationships.

this morning, i was recounting last night's incidents to one of my co-workers who's not on FB (and simultaneously realizing how silly it all sounded coming out of my mouth). she stopped me and said, "see? this is why i'm not on facebook. it's stupid. delete [this friend]. who cares? it's simple! if someone's being a jerk, delete them!"

and she's totally right. why maintain a social-network connection with someone with whom you don't interact socially? or who behaves like a jerk? why not just hit "remove" and be done with it? just because it might reflect poorly on you? even though you know, in reality, it doesn't really reflect "poorly" on anyone except maybe the person who very obviously demonstrated jerk-y, antisocial behaviour?

i'm not sure. i still might delete. or not. maybe i'll be deleted first!

in the meantime, i will kick myself for giving this as much consideration as i already have.