here's the thing about sleep...

... if you get enough of it, a really good amount of it all in one night, you can wake up feeling MUCH better about things.

that's what happened last night. feeling weepy and frustrated, i packed it in just after 10pm and promptly fell into a fantastic, sound sleep for a solid eight hours.

and, when i awoke this morning, the weepiness and frustration had lifted, and i was able to think more clearly and logically about things.

my biggest stressor was the notion of having an invasive procedure that might not actually be necessary. in hindsight, the incident that caused my concern-turned-panic was highly explainable and normal, and i think my exhaustion (i hadn't slept properly in several nights leading up to my birthday) led me to worry needlessly and rush into a doctor's appointment, encouraged by too much googling of symptoms on sunday night and the subsequent unearthing of endless dire diagnoses.

in short: i jumped the gun. had i waited a few more days, i would have seen (as i am seeing now) symptoms vanish, and i likely wouldn't have called the doctor at all. physically, i'm feeling better -- almost no stomach cramping or indigestion, and certainly no blood anywhere it shouldn't be.

the idea of taking back the reins of my own medical care made me feel much better and somewhat empowered. instead of feeling suddenly forced into this stressful procedure at a clinic run by old men (something that, in and of itself, makes me not want to go) at a time when i'm already feeling stressed-out and overextended, i reminded myself that i can actually refuse the procedure outright if i want to. or choose to postpone it for a while, or do research myself and find a clinic/doctor i'm comfortable with and then, if symptoms persist or get worse, have the procedure on my terms. it's amazing what that did for my outlook and mood.

having slept well also meant i was better able to handle the demands of the day, and to get stuff done. i cancelled my attendance at a few screenings, which also alleviated a good amount of stress (since i had no idea how i'd find time to go to these movies AND write the reviews AND still get enough sleep AND get my work done). it's a short-term sacrifice for, hopefully, better long-term well-being.

once i log off for the night (shortly), i'll be showering, brushing my teeth and aiming to be in bed at or around 10pm, in the hopes of making it back-to-back good sleeps. hopefully, that'll keep things moving properly and with less distress, all around.