fancy!

wow. i know some fancy people, but i myself am not fancy.

that’s what i thought to myself at last night’s swanky shindig.

it was the official canadian launch for Daniel Thompson Beauty, held at the posh atelier of fashion designer rosemarie umetsu (a lovely hostess). wine, cheese, celebs, friends, clients, media... and me. it was, in a word, fancy.

the snow hadn’t let up at all by the time i left home, and i tromped through it to wait for the bus. thankfully, despite the weather and this particular route’s inherent unreliability, it arrived only 15 minutes late, so i walked into the party only slightly later than i’d intended and much less disheveled than i had feared. (though, the hair... my hat-headed hair. i saw the photos this morning and wish i'd maybe checked a mirror at some point. lesson learned.)

anyhoo...

given the nature of the studio, more than a few pairs of snowy, slushy boots had been abandoned near the front door so as not to soak the wood floors, and several folks were in stocking feet. i had a small moment of panic because there was no way my big, thermal socks were suitable for my outfit, let alone mass consumption by the event’s attendees. i needed the warm socks hidden nicely inside my big-girl boots because i wanted to be warm while outside, but i certainly didn’t want to be shuffling around in speckly blue woollies amid fancy people. thankfully, my boots were clean and fairly dry, so they were allowed to stay on. phew.

a makeover station and cosmetics showroom had been set up in the rear of the space, where daniel (aka: dan2) – super-stylish as always, super-accommodating and obviously in high demand – was offering complimentary consultations and selling the company wares, while guests mingled amid rosemarie’s phancy phrocks. b-dub, spiffily clad in the company colours, was overseeing “guest relations” and ensuring folks were well looked-after which, of course, they were.

a number of notable canadian ladies turned up over the course of the evening, including: singers jean stilwell, dione taylor and patricia o’callaghan; pianist patti loach; stage-and-screen actress christine horne (The Stone Angel); TV host and muchmusic icon erica ehm; actor-comedian teresa pavlinek; actor-singer patricia zentilli; and actor-singer-comedian-goddess sharron matthews, with whom i had a delightful chat and from whom i received accidental groping. twice. good times.

the event lasted some five hours, with a multitude of guests coming and going throughout, and i met some very nice people. i did feel a little like the math-club nerd who somehow scored an invite to the popular kids’ party, but that has more to do with me than anybody there. everyone looked fabulous (and fancy!), the cosmetics were stunning and i’m pretty sure the whole shebang can be considered a huge success for those involved. well done, all.

by the time i layered up to head back home, i was fairly tired but very glad i ventured into mother nature’s hissy fit to attend.

party prep

so, i'm heading to a swanky shindig ce soir.

for days, and much to my delight, the weather forecast was for a cold but clear day today. this meant i could wear something other than a snowsuit and mukluks to the event and maybe, just maybe, look nice in toronto in january.

yesterday, much to my horror, the forecast changed. gone were the little sunshine icons and any trace of glee on my part. instead, a plethora of snowflakes were plastered onscreen alongside words like "accumulation" and "warning."

pardon?

evidently, mother nature has decided to surprise me with an ill-timed winter dumping, literal and figurative. as i type this, it's snowing out. rather heavily. it's been snowing all morning, and will continue to snow all afternoon, and the forecast is for a final amount of about 20cm. possibly even more.

f-word.

how am i supposed to wear anything dressy in 20cm of snow? i can't do much with my hair because i'm taking public transit to the event... which means i'll be outside for stretches of time (possibly long stretches of time due to snowy roads) and, thus, needing a winter hat. i'm grateful that it won't be -20ºC out, but even -4ºC can be bone-chilling when you're standing at a bus stop with no sign of a bus. oh, and as if to rub some salt on the wound, my skin has decided now would be an excellent time to freak out, so i have a delightfully large, red blemish between my lips and my left cheek. so pretty.

nonetheless, i will press on. i will spend the afternoon praying that the snow ends early and the plows hit the roads and sidewalks ASAP. i shall hope that i can arrive at the soirée intact, on time, clean and dry, and that whatever i wind up wearing is fashionable enough to pass, but functional enough that i won't be wet or cranky or hypothermic.

fingers crossed please, everyone. fingers crossed.

never look a gift bag in the mouth

around one o’clock on thursday afternoon, a courier arrived at my door. in his hand was a large, white paper shopping bag from banana republic, clearly filled with stuff and things. my heart started to beat a little quicker – it sure looked like someone somewhere was sending me all kinds of goodies.

i signed for the well-packed bag and took it into my apartment. admittedly, i thought it was kind of strange – the address label on the bag was from one the magazines for which i write, but they normally notify in me advance of any courier deliveries because they want to make sure i’ll be home. no one had given me any kind of heads-up, so the bag’s arrival was unexpected. welcomed, but unexpected.

so.

i opened the bag and started taking out the contents. there were two very large, very funky beach/tote bags in bright colours, three lovely summer-y scarves in various patterns, a large black-and-white woven clutch purse and a pair of yellow slingbacks. (when i got to the shoes, i paused for a WTF?)

all of the items were sample merchandise from old navy, the GAP and BR. each piece had a tag identifying what it was, where it came from and such, and yet nowhere in the bag was any kind of note or card or letter or indication as to WHY it had all come to me.

at first i thought, “oh how sweet! they had these things left over from a photo shoot or something, and decided to send them to me as a present!” (in hindsight, i have to laugh.) i should also point out that i’d been having a rather crappy couple of days, so the bag’s arrival did initially seem like some kind of karmic make-good from the universe. then i wondered if all of it had arrived in advance of some kind of assignment where i’d have to use these items and write about the experience.

but that naive delight slowly gave way to suspicion and doubt. seriously, why would they send me this kind of surprise? the bag was just an open shopping bag, and the items inside had simply been dropped in loose, so it’s not like they could have left it at my door if i hadn’t been home. it was a good $200 worth of accessories! ergo, they would have checked first to see if i’d be here, lest a curious neighbour walk off with it in my absence.

and why on earth would they just throw in a pair of sandals, in the wrong size no less?

sensing more and more that this was somehow a mistake, i emailed the editors i know at the magazine to find out what might be happening. was this a gift or a gig or an error? i didn’t want to get attached to my fancy new stuff if it wasn’t in fact my stuff in the first place.

a short while later, one editor replied saying he had no idea what i was talking about, or why the bag had been sent to me, or by whom... but he suspected it was intended for someone else and misdirected.

a second editor emailed after that, saying she didn’t have any clue where the merchandise had come from either, or from whom, but that maybe some fashionista god was smiling down on me.

about three hours after the delivery, my phone rang and someone who sounded like a 12-year-old girl asked for me. she said that she was calling from the magazine, and that she’d accidentally sent me the bag... which was supposed to go to the retailers from whom the items originally came.... so would i mind if she arranged for the courier to come back and retrieve it.

“sure,” said i. turns out she’s a new intern. ah.

so, yesterday morning, a courier showed up and i bid adieu to the summer sampler pack. oh well!

when i relayed this tale of “easy come, easy go!” to m-dub later, she theorized that perhaps the misdirected gift bag was just an omen of other metaphorical gift bags that might be heading my way... that perhaps the universe was letting me know that this particular bag came to me by mistake, but that some other “gifts” might find their way to me in the coming days.

“sure,” said i. skeptical.

but you know what?

she was right.

as i said, i’d been having a string of rather depressing, melancholy days, so i was nicely settled into a glum funk. i spent some time writing about it, which helped, but then my first cosmic gift bag arrived yesterday afternoon.

my friend darren is in town but heading back overseas shortly, so i asked him to lunch. very last-minute. we had a lovely visit, and he dispensed some serious, tough-love advice about life to shake me out of my mood. he knows i don’t necessarily like what he has to say sometimes, but he’s generally right. after we finished our meal, i invited him back to my apartment (his first visit there) for tea and some fashion consultation. i wanted a second opinion on some outfit combinations, and i knew – given his impeccable sense of style – that he’d be a great advisor. and a very blunt one. if i’d somehow put together something seriously unflattering or lame he wouldn’t mince words.

imagine my shock and delight when, as i modeled the first outfit, he nearly fell off my couch. in a good way. “OH MY GOD! LOOK AT YOU!” he said. he loved it. “AND CHECK OUT YOUR SLAMMIN’ BODY!” he wanted to know why i hide it, and repeatedly complimented me. i mention this not out of vanity, but because i don’t get that kind of reaction very often (if at all), and because it was such a much-needed boost to my self-confidence that could not have come at a more perfect moment. it was a wonderful gift. i tried on a few other things, all of which he thought were fantastic. honestly, i was thrilled with the great reviews. as he was packing to leave i said, “i’m seriously delighted with my A!”

“oh, you get an A+,” he replied. awwww.

then, last night, i got a similar round of ass-kicking counsel and encouragement from m-dub. which was just as nice (and needed) a gift. because it’s very very easy for me to get lost in my own head, and for me to throw myself into a ditch or gloom spiral, so it’s helpful when someone voluntarily yanks me out by the shirt collar and then yells at me (lovingly) afterwards. it’s always better when supportive words from someone else can drown out the self-defeating things i occasionally tell myself. which is what she did. by the time we ended our lengthy exchange, i felt reassured.

so, back to the gifts and the universe. as i remind myself that mercury is in retrograde right now, and that a lot of life’s current screwiness and mistakes and angst may be due to that tiny planet, i can also be grateful for those unexpected but welcomed gifts. neither darren nor m-dub came in a bag couriered to my door, but their solid, rooted presence more than made up for the stray presents that showed up and were whisked away.

please stand by...

so, i started writing a really long blog entry earlier, but when it got to be midnight and i was only half-finished i decided to write the rest tomorrow.

just thought you should know.

24 hours in five words or less

sharron matthews remains a goddess.

sloppy, slushy sidewalks suck.

sleep did not come easily.

i was hot and cold.

sleep was actually elusive.

i tossed and turned.

ergo: i didn’t sleep well.

i got up too early.

my eye twitched all morning.

twitching eyes are annoying.

so are molting down jackets.

but i digress.

i did laundry.

it didn’t dry completely.

so i hung damp laundry.

i watched the inauguration.

all of it.

it made me cry.

i listened to torch songs.

they made me cry.

i ate macarconi and cheese.

no tears there.

then more torch songs.

because i love torch songs.

even if i’m crying.

i watched a “LOST” rerun.

i did not cry.

not one tear.

“LOST” returns tomorrow – hooray!

i didn’t write enough today.

or at all, really.

i was distracted.

by presidents and torch songs.

and macaroni.

oh, crap.

i’m out of grape pop.

the tears return.

trail mix

* i’d planned to spend saturday out with my mom. just the two of us. some shopping, dining out somewhere, more shopping, and perhaps dessert to end the day. we started bright and early but, by 1:30 in the afternoon, i’d been struck by a massive headache. so, just as we were contemplating lunch, i had to close my eyes and say, “i think i need to go home.” my mom looked at me and said, alarmed, “you have no colour in your face right now.” so, home we went – her driving; me, eyes closed, slouched down in the passenger seat and praying for my head to stop pounding. once home, i drank some coke (for the caffeine), took some extra-strength pain relievers, pulled the blind down to make my bedroom dark and slept for an hour and a half. when i woke up, the headache was still there, but it had been reduced to a dull thumping. i could open my eyes without wincing but, by then, the day was done. ah, the best laid plans...

* i’ve been listening to this CD for a few days. it’s gorgeous... so much so that i occasionally have to turn it off because the songs are so lovely and moving. (read: vickie’s sitting at her computer, trying to work, while tears are literally running down her cheeks.) i especially love this song. just close your eyes and listen to the words.

* on sunday, after a good 20cm of snow fell overnight, i joined young beatrix at her house to shovel the driveway and sidewalk. FANTASTIC exercise, i tell you, especially when the street plow creates a giant mountain of ice and snow through which one has to dig before being able to GET to one’s home. afterwards, we went inside, YB put together some furniture and i cleaned. feeling accomplished, we then dropped into a nearby mall so i could pick up some B&BW lotion... and wound up scoring a few unexpected deals, shopping-wise. in a bid to ride our lucky streak a bit longer, we decided to continue shopping elsewhere and (we hoped) find more bargains... but the shopping gods turned their backs on us and our success ended. cue: sad-trumpet sfx.

* as you may or may not have read, panera bread company has finally opened its first two franchises in canada. guess what? THEY’RE INSANELY BUSY. much in the same way that you couldn’t set foot in an old navy when they first launched here (or a krispy kreme, for that matter), PBC is packed to the rafters with wise canucks who (like me) lurve them some Bacon Turkey Bravo™ sandwiches. i expect i might be able to eat in one of the new locations sometime in the summer, after the hoopla dies down a bit. in the interim, i’ll just go to buffalo and eat at a panera down there.

* later on sunday, my mother presented me with a large box, on the top of which i’d apparently pasted a note (some time ago) that read: “this is a box of stuff to keep.” she asked me to go through it, once and for all, to see if the stuff inside really was worth keeping. i opened it and it was filled with all sorts of documents and photos and whatnot... a lot from 1998-99, which were two pivotal, frequently difficult years. what was remarkable was how i was instantly transported back in time, psychologically, as i sorted through everything. piece by piece, i remembered the stress and the uncertainty and the angst and the frustrations... all of it. for that hour, i was ostensibly back in 1998 in my brain. so weird, but also so good because i realized how much i’d grown and changed since that box had been packed. i didn’t keep much of what i dug through (the recycling bin was FULL!), and couldn’t believe i still had a lot of the things that were in there or that i’d ever wanted them enough to mark the box as i had. on the upside, i also found the screenplay once given me by an oscar-winning actress, with her notations in it, because she wanted my opinion on whether she should do the movie. (she didn’t in the end.) so that was cool.

* guess what? there’s another sharron’s party show tonight! whoo-hoo! i wish there wasn’t quite so much slush and muck outside, though. attending would be so much easier if i wasn’t forced to wear hip waders.

my new favourite blog: cake wrecks!

so delightful and hysterically funny!

be sure to browse through numerous pages and entries for a full plate of hilarity.

(thanks to p-dub for the tip!)

T.K.N.?

earlier tonight, i went to my meditation group. i’ve talked about it before, and how much i enjoy it and the people who attend. it’s a really solid, warm environment and one where, occasionally, you get a little food for thought in addition to yoga or a body scan or some qigong.

during our mid-session discussion break, one of the regulars was recounting a road trip he’d been on, and a tiny, middle-of-nowhere diner along a desolate stretch of route 66. while he waited for his food, he perused a wall filled with quotations. among them, he read one that said:

“before you speak, ask yourself: is it true? is it kind? is it necessary?”

even though the quotation is centuries old, it resonated with me. too often we speak – or act or even write – without thinking and, even when we do think (or think we’re thinking), we still wind up saying things that aren’t true, kind or necessary. i know that’s certainly the case for me.

other folks in the group were equally struck by the phrase, and we jokingly decided to ask ourselves “LNK?” whenever we remember. i’m gonna try. if you feel like adopting it, too, go right ahead.

it's that time again...

feeling off? things going awry a tad? mercury is in retrograde (jan. 11 - feb. 1).

as an added bonus for 2009, it will go retrograde FOUR times this year instead of just three.

this concludes today's astrological report.

golden, globe-y thoughts

* sally hawkins looks like she's lost an ALARMING amount of weight. keep in mind that what we all saw on TV was an image of her 15 pounds HEAVIER than she'd actually look in person.

* ENOUGH ALREADY with the heath ledger tributes. WE GET IT, hollywood stars, you ALL knew him and loved him and respected him and thought his contributions to cinema rank among the greatest ever bestowed upon the masses by any actor on earth ever, and you're ALL falling over yourselves to look like the ones who are most saddened by his death. but it's enough. because if that many of you felt SO very strongly about his phenomenal talents and his apparently herculean gifts as a thespian, then maybe more of you might have done something to help him with his demons so that he might still be here. you guys have until the day after the oscars to get this all out of your system and then move on. seriously.

* did you see brad and angelina turn on their heels at the sight of ryan seacrest during the E! pre-show? so awesome! somewhere, kathy griffin is DELIGHTED.

* beyoncé is boring. speaking of...

* memo to kate winslet: i know you're awesome, but no one listens to anything you say past the 30-second mark of an acceptance speech. this is especially true if your speech is: 1. BORING BEYOND MEASURE, 2. nothing but a long list of names of people no one knows or cares about, 3. supremely over-acted (see: her line-crossing faux-bewilderment for her Revolutionary Road win tonight) and immediately smacking of insincerity, 4. still going on right now as i type this because it's that long-winded.

* memo to mickey rourke: see above. p.s. you scare me.

* does jeremy piven have cooties in addition to mercury poisoning? how else to explain guiliana rancic's curious arm's-length distance from him throughout their red-carpet interview.

* anne hathaway always looks terribly severe.

* colin farrell, no matter how skeevy or dirty-looking, remains ridiculously charming and funny.

* who dressed glenn close and how much must they hate her?

* what kind of sedative do you think renée zellweger was on?

* did you see the unfortunate placement of the darts at the front of eva mendes' dior dress? the ones that made it look like her breasts were not only pointy, but dangling just above her waistline?

* remember when i used to love maggie gyllenhaal?

* i still love sandra bullock. lots. and emma thompson.

* people who should not be invited to participate in awards shows like this: the jonas brothers, zac efron, blake lively, miley cyrus and anyone else whose core fan base can be described by the word "tween." no. no no no no no. know your audience, hollywood foreign press. know your audience.

* p.s. no. i mean it.

and finally...

* we had whoopie-pie cake throughout, and that made the whole show much better than it might have been otherwise.

pyjama days

it’s 5:32pm and i’m still in my pyjamas. in fact, i’ve been in them all day. later, i will shower and then put pyjamas on again.

because today was a pyjama day.

despite what is inherently implied by the words “pyjama day,” i did not loaf around. i did not nap. i did not behave in a slothy manner. in my world, pyjama days are often some of the most hugely productive days around. for some reason, being pyjama-clad gets me motivated to do stuff. to clean. to organize. to sort. to write. to work. whatever. it’s like my brain gets some kind of subliminal cue that me having pyjamas on means i’m probably not leaving my apartment, so it might as well get the productivity cylinders firing and i might as well get a whole whack of things done.

and that’s exactly what i’ve been doing. i started the day by unwrapping, setting up and hanging three relatively large picture frames in my bedroom. this doesn’t sound like a big deal until you understand that embarking on this kind of endeavour on your own means it takes twice as long because there’s no second party helping out by offering comments like, “no, that one needs to be a little higher. the one on the right is slanted.” so it’s a lot of back-and-forth-ing until everything’s just right. and now it is.

then i decided to clean, because the frame assembly resulted in some sawdust and random debris on the carpets, and hanging them meant moving some furniture... behind which were some dust bunnies. so, i dusted. then i swiffered my entire apartment, and followed that up with a good vacuuming.

once those were done, i reasoned that it only made sense to also clean the toilet, sinks and bathtub, too, in order to have a complete clean completed. so i did. still dressed in my pyjamas.

amidst all this, i was brainstorming story ideas via email and planning what i’d paint to put into those newly hung frames. i also had lunch, watered all my plants, tooled around facebook and watched movies* that i had on in the background. (*i find that the other key ingredient in highly productive pyjama days is a non-stop loop of ambient movies i have seen before. movies to work by, i guess, because i don’t actually have to pay attention but can still enjoy them and follow the story when i glance up to look at the screen. movies like A Few Good Men, or Contact, or Uncle Buck, or whatever happens to be playing on TV on a weekend afternoon. also good are marathons of cooking or design shows. i can get SO much done if there’s a marathon running on HGTV or the food network, i tell you.)

as mentioned, it’s now just after 5:30pm. still plenty of day left in the day. i’ve already started working on the line drawings that will go into the frames, and i want to finish those. i also have some writing to do. and more episodes of MI-5 to watch. my pyjamas and i have a lot of quality time together remaining before we go to bed.

pyjama days rock.

a midwinter’s medley

* back on december 23rd, my bionic tooth broke in half. unfortunately for me, the dentist’s office was closed and remained closed until this past monday, so i spent christmas and new year’s with a sharp, hideous stump where a tooth should be. the earliest post-new year’s appointment i could get was yesterday, so i popped the remaining half a tooth out, dropped it off and went to pick it up – all fixed – today. popped it back in. good as new! i don’t care what anybody says, there are a lot of benefits to having fake teeth... the ability to have repairs done without you actually being present is a huge one.

* i’m finishing up work on a (paid) feature story. one i’ve been working on since late november. while i’m grateful for the gig, i will not be sad to see this one end. once i submit it tomorrow, i will be devoting a fair amount of effort and energy into my creative writing.

* two songs have been stuck in my head this week, and they couldn’t be more different, really. this is one (yes, i realize i’m about six months late). and this is the other, which was pretty much the only thing i liked about the movie Bride Wars. love them both.

* in my opinion, Scrubs is one of the most consistently brilliant series on the air right now. its eighth season debuted on ABC earlier this week, and its first two episodes were fantastic. one, over-the-top hilarious; the other, beautifully poignant. it’s what i love so much about the show – its ability to be simultaneously funny and heartbreaking, and to seamlessly interweave comedy with drama. so so good.

* i also love Damages, but it doesn’t premiere in canada for another week and a half. jan. 18th. mark it down.

* and i love MI-5. the british TV series about spies, not the actual government agency overseas. after two long years (!) of waiting, i will FINALLY finally get to see season three (ALL OF IT!) this weekend. it’s going to be a good saturday. or sunday. whatever, i’m watching season three and not leaving my couch until it’s done!

* in non-TV news, today i hung out with b-dub, which is always fun, and our afternoon activities included bed shopping. for him, not me... though my input has been requested by young beatrix for the guest-room bed in her new house. but i digress. we stopped in at the downtown sleep country store (why buy a mattress anywhere else, really?)... where b-dub promptly found a mattress he loved, and then lay down upon it. for a good half-hour. seriously. all the while chatting with the extremely helpful salesman about rails and box springs and delivery windows and his christmas vacation out west. i eventually lay down beside him to test it out (it was very nice, but a little too plush for my liking) and, really, we probably could have napped there for a long while. the salesman was that accommodating, and we were that comfortable. not as comfortable as the young woman who came into the store as we were packing up to leave, though. at first, i thought she worked there because of the care with which she was fluffing the pillows on one of the beds. then she took off her hat, scarf, coat AND BOOTS, and crawled onto the bed. to try it out. in all manner of positions. she was ALL about her own comfort. for sure.

* i would really like to have a good night’s sleep tonight. one that does not include any of the following: insomnia, night sweats, nightmares or being awakened at 3:30am by the loud kerTHUNK, drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrag, kerTHUNK, drrrrrrrrrrrrrag of the plowing truck hired to clear the driveways of the commercial property next door.

* tomorrow i’m picking up a library book called I Was Told There’d Be Cake. it is not my autobiography.

all you really need to know...

you don't really need to know that i cleaned and disinfected several bathrooms this morning.

you don't really need to know that i had BBQ chips, carrots and hummus for lunch.

you don't really need to know that, yesterday, i found young beatrix the most spectacular carpet ever created. for $59.

you don't really need to know that my parents' neighbours built a mini ice rink in their backyard... which they chose to scrape clean at 11:30 last night.

you don't really need to know that we watched umpteen hours of Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives on friday because the food network was having a marathon.

you don't really need to know that i've consumed my weight in christmas cookies between dec. 24th and today.

you don't really need to know that we're currently experiencing freezing rain.

you don't really need to know any of those things.

all you really need to know is that, earlier tonight, a spider dropped into my pyjamas. while i was wearing them.

seriously.

it did not go well.

for me, or the spider.

goodnight 2008, good morning 2009

one second, it was the end of a year. the next second, it was the start of a brand new one, brimming with promise and potential. in the blink of an eye, 365 days’ worth of good, bad and ugly gave way to a wide open space, ready to be filled with greatness.

not unlike the dialog box that appears when one clicks the “new post” button on blogger.

filled with greatness or not, earlier today i’d thought about writing a lengthy, reflective end-of-2008 blog entry, but it’s now officially 2009 in these parts. 2008 is history. a memory. gone. and per eckhart tolle, the power is in the now, not the past. no sense dwelling on what cannot be changed and, per one of m-dub’s favourite sayings, you don’t go into yesterday’s trash to make tomorrow’s dinner.

2008 was, however, a year of great change for me, so i won’t just ignore its significance altogether. it was a year of personal change, professional change, social change and, most importantly, change within myself. i wrote about it back in september, but the changing really started to snowball over the last couple of months. forget about not being the same person i was five years ago, i’m not the same person i was last january 1st. the metamorphosis continued steadily, and continues even now... and the changes for the better have all stuck. there have been mistakes and lessons, to be sure. bumps along the way and the occasional careening into ditches, but i’ve learned to be a better driver as a result. the old adage that everything happens for a reason held true for me in 2008, and only now, as i say goodnight to last year, am i able to see what many (but not all) of those reasons are. and, for a change, i’m also okay with not knowing the whys of it all. i can accept the year for what it was, with all its highs and lows and in-between parts, and be grateful for the whole thing even if i might not understand all of it yet.

so this new year’s day, i find myself looking towards the next 12 months with a distinct sense of calm and optimism. 2009 is going to be amazing. do you hear me? 2009 IS GOING TO BE AMAZING, filled with 13 kinds of awesomeness. i won’t let it be anything less. because that’s one of the other key things i gleaned in 2008 – that the scope of my existence and my experience is in my own hands, and that the only person who can truly make every aspect of my life reach its full, fantastic, phenomenal potential is... me.

so that’s what i’m going to do.

happy new year to you all!

deepak-ing and de-packing

today, was a day of planning and purging. getting ready for 2009 and getting rid of a bunch of stuff that didn’t work in 2008... and some things that haven’t really worked for at least a decade.

for the past couple of years, i’ve taken some time at the end of december to write down my hopes, wishes and goals for the upcoming year. these aren’t resolutions but, rather, a blueprint for the universe. a to-do list. it was inspired by deepak chopra and his book The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire, which suggests writing down, in a tangible form, everything you want from your life. in every arena. home. work. relationships. finances. health. spirituality. growth. the whole shebang. (it really does work, i swear.) i talked a bit about this last new year’s eve, and was careful to include the caveat about the importance of details.

i maintain that details are key. and, though the list i wrote last december 31st was meticulously detailed, there were still a number of unforeseen challenges in 2008. universal loopholes, if you will, because the universe is terribly clever. but, as i did as 2007 drew to a close, i’m choosing to view them all as lessons. i made mistakes, but i did learn.

nonetheless, with the eve of the 31st looming, i knew i had to get my 2009 universe list ready to go. i’ll be spending this new year’s eve the same way i spent last new year’s eve – on my own, in my apartment. but, this time, i’m okay with that. at the end of last year, i wished as hard as i could that NYE 2008 would not be the same... that i wouldn’t be alone. AGAIN. but part of what’s happened over the course of the year is a letting go of the fear and sadness around solitude. sure, i totally would have loved to share the night with someone else, but i’m okay with the fact that it just wasn’t in the cards in 2008. so, it’ll be a quiet, reflective evening with snacks and movies and my list.

but i digress.

TODAY... today was a day for working on my deepak/universe list. not finishing it, but getting it going. much to my delight, m-dub had suggested a while back that we get together to brainstorm because she, too, has a deepak/universe list. by doing this together, we figured we’d both be able to find each other’s “blind spots” – the key details we might miss or forget on our own. we could play devil’s advocate for each other, and make sure that we were both being honest and thorough in our list-writing.

so, over she came and lists we did write. we covered all the key areas, and honed in on the ones that were of particular concern or focus for each of us. we took our time, asked probing questions, jotted down notes and ate lunch. after a couple of hours (yes, hours), as we were wrapping up, we somehow stumbled upon dressing. as in, how we dress not what we put on salads. i made an offhand remark something along the lines of, “yeah, i need to do a wardrobe overhaul.”

m-dub’s eyes lit up the way mine do when presented with a tray of cupcakes.

“LET’S DO IT!” she exclaimed.

“no,” was my rather flat reply.

“LET’S DO IT!!!!!” came her increasingly fervent battle cry. “LET’S DO IT!! LET’S DO IT!!!” she was starting to bounce on the couch.

and, as i do with most everything, i resisted. put up a fight. i didn’t want to do it. not right then. not today. but m-dub was having none of it. as i threw up obstacles to her sudden plan, she actually started SCREAMING at me (with affection) in my living room, calling me out on doing exactly what we had just deepak-listed i wouldn’t do in 2009: create obstacles for myself and my own growth and the opportunity for my awesomeness to shine.

fearing for my life (not really... but sort of... i’m kidding... but i’m not... yes i am...), i finally relented. FINE. we’d purge my wardrobe. we would, under m-dub’s watchful eye, get rid of anything in my closets that did not support an image of vickie that fell into one of four categories: confident, sexy, sophisticated or creative. preferably, any items i would keep would meet all four criteria... but they had to meet at least a couple in order to spared from the “donate” pile.

channeling both stacy and clinton (look ‘em up), m-dub supervised as i brought out all the clothes i know i should have purged long ago. “HOW MANY PAIRS OF PAINTER PANTS DO YOU OWN?!?!?!” asked a horrified m-dub when i pulled out my multi-coloured collection from U.S. road trips gone by (back in the day when old navy did not exist in canada, and old navy painter pants were my guilty pleasure). there was also the array of unflattering plaid shirts from the period where i decided to emulate skateboarders in my choice of fashion (don’t ask, it was years ago but i’d kept the shirts), and some big coats that made me look like i was wearing hand-me-downs from an older brother.

when we got to shoes, i thought m-dub’s head might actually explode right off her body. i have many shoes, and many of them really needed to be put out to pasture long ago. the process of purging footwear went (comparatively) more smoothly... except when it came to one particular pair which i refuse to get rid of and which m-dub tried valiantly to get me to toss. they are still in my closet. i don’t care. i drew the line at those shoes.

BUT... i do now have two and a half garbage bags full of clothes and shoes ready for donation. two and a half bags of the past. two and a half bags of someone i no longer am. two and a half bags' worth of opportunities for growth next year.

it was a fairly sizable undertaking, but it had to be done. and i’m so glad we did it. i’m glad m-dub used some tough love. two and a half garbage bags is a LOT of volume and, as m-dub repeated several times, getting rid of all this stuff that doesn’t serve me in any way will make way for the amazing new things that will.

and this big wardrobe purge will help polish the outside of vickie in 2009, while the deepak/universe list continues to work its magic and inform the inside.

already looking forward to january...

i can't wait for the second season to start.

evaporation

today, a lot of snow melted.

a sudden thaw is underway, with temperatures well above normal, and the piles of snow that blanketed the city last week are now rapidly withering and disappearing. this process has also caused massive amounts of fog, as the melting snow literally evaporates into thin air. small, often dense clouds of white mist rise from the snowbanks and front lawns and soccer fields, rising heavenward through the warm air.

and, as i watched it today, i thought what a fitting post-christmas metaphor this phenomenon is. that, two days after one of the biggest, most-celebrated holidays of the year, it's over. all the preparations and lead-up and excitement and hopes and anxieties and wishes and hoopla are already fading into memory.

disappearing into the ether.

christmas in a nut(cracker)shell...

"... and the wise men came bearing gifts of gold, frankincense and purr."
(copyright: young beatrix, 2008)

in no particular order:

* my sister and i began the day by going to mass this morning. we refuse to go with my father, because he always behaves poorly and completely misses the point of church to begin with, so he goes with mom to one mass and we go to a different one. unfortunately, this meant we did not get the fun, dry, sarcastic priest we enjoy tremendously, because he presided over my parents' mass. trix and i got the old, s-l-o-w, brink-of-mandatory-retirement priest, who left out a few key items (like the opening sign of the cross), lost his place in the service several times and, much to trixie's alarm (because she works with stroke surgeons and is tuned in to these sorts of things), suddenly stopped and went silent altogether for a good five or six seconds. also unintentionally entertaining at the parish today: the only-on-christmas-day mass schedule, which found a few folks wandering in at the wrong time because their usual 10am mass had been moved to 9am; the random cell phone that rang and rang and rang and rang and rang until its moronic owner FINALLY pulled it out and shut it off on ring #9; and the ever-dramatic church singers, for whom i've imagined all sorts of dramatic interpersonal goings-on in their private lives... all of which will totally be fodder for a short film at some point.

* in terms of gifts, all i wanted this year was stuff i could use. i have enough hat-and-scarf sets to last me the rest of my life. (see also: slippers, towels and mittens.) so i asked that my gifts please be completely unglamourous, non-exciting, fully useful items. like a box of swiffer duster refills. or a roll of non-stick aluminum foil. or subway tokens. things i need and can use and won't have to go out and buy for myself. AND THAT'S WHAT I GOT. (along with other similarly themed stuff.) i was thrilled. seriously!

* christmas dinner -- which was actually a very-late lunch at 2:30pm -- was roasted turkey breast (laden with a wide variety of herbs and spices), baked sweet potatoes, brussels sprouts, corn, stuffing, egg-and-onion rice and cranberry jelly (or sauce, depending on one's preference). it was good. and filling. the cookies are simply left out all the time at this time of year, so they were grazed upon throughout the day.

* we did nothing after that. but we did watch Yours, Mine and Ours (the stinky remake with dennis quaid and rene russo) because we were that desperate for entertainment by 7pm and it was on TV. sad but true.

* and now, at 11:20pm, everyone here has gone to bed, and it's just kyle and me still up. which is fitting, since he's the poster boy for this entry.

* merry christmas to all of you, and to all of you... g'night!

the day the downy died

um.

can downy fabric softener spoil? is there an expiration date on their bottles that i'm just not seeing?

because i went to do laundry the other day, and carted along my trusty blue-and-pink bottle of freshness as i always do. but when i opened it and started to pour out a capful, what emerged was not the downy i know and love.

it was... gelatinous.

as though it had congealed. or froze partially (impossible, given the fact that my apartment is always hot in winter and the laundry stuff is stored in the bathroom closet, which is an extra few degrees warmer than everywhere else).

wait. good grief. did i somehow cook the downy?!

regardless, the lumpy goo that plopped into the cap did not further liquify when added to water, so i think i'm left with no choice but to toss the remaining 1/5 of the bottle. yes, i've had the downy for almost two years and was coming to the end of the road with it anyway, but still.

chunky, goopy downy?

really?

why?

just in case...

oh. hello.

were you at m-dub's birthday soirée yesterday?

have you come here looking for tales of your shenanigans?

expecting to maybe see something about toes or dancing or aluminum tape or madonna or goggles or leopard-print fun-fur pants or delicious lemon creme topping?

well, i'm afraid you'll be disappointed.

'cause i said i wouldn't write about it.

and i won't.

your insanity is safe with me.