a valentine’s wish

someday, i would like to have a valentine.

i’ve never had one. not ever. not as a teenager, not in my 20s, not now. it shouldn't surprise me, and i suppose it doesn't. i’ve also never had anyone say “i love you” to me, romantically. never been pursued. never even been asked out on a date. not once.

and that breaks my heart a little. or a lot, depending on the day.

with varying degrees of success, i try to remind myself that i’m not really a repellent human being, even if that’s the way my situation sometimes makes me feel. i tell myself that, you know, i’m actually quite a catch. that i would make someone a wonderful partner, that maybe i just haven’t been discovered yet and that perhaps the universe is keeping me woefully, achingly single because it wants to make sure i’m available when the right girl comes along. but it’s hard to keep that internal pep rally going year after year after year. i live in a world of couples, and i’m surrounded by friends who are married, or in long-term relationships, or who have found themselves someone great to love. yet my dance card remains empty.

each year i think, “next year will be different.” by next year, it’ll happen. by next year, i’ll have found someone amazing. by next year, that amazing someone will love me. and by next year, when valentine’s day rolls around, my hopelessly romantic heart will finally be able to celebrate properly. i’m so ready for it that it sometimes feels like i might burst from the strain of a lifetime of anticipation... or completely collapse under the sheer weight of the wait.

but fate obviously has its own plans, and a valentine for me has not yet been among them. maybe someday.

so today, on this valentine’s day, i want to make a wish. a wish for that someday. a wish for what i want... which isn’t anything grand or extreme or outrageous. it’s love. someone extraordinary to love, who’ll love me as much in return. i want so very much to know what that’s like.

i want to have someone look at me like no one else is in the room.

i want to feel the comforting warmth of a hand unexpectedly placed gently on the small of my back.

i want to hear a quiet whisper that says, “you’re beautiful.”

i want to see a smile that takes my breath away.

i want to melt into open arms. gently. tenderly.

i want the perfect kiss.

i want that kind of love. whole and complete.

i want these things and, really, little more.

maybe they’ll arrive someday. i hope they do.

so, today, that's the wish i make.

because, someday, i really would love to have a valentine.