an open letter: cold-weather tolerance for the seemingly clueless

dear too-cool-for-school fellow hogtown resident,

guess what? you live in toronto, not miami.

winter's here. that means, wait for it!, temperatures drop. snow might fall. sidewalks can get icy.

here's a secret: dress appropriately and you'll magically discover the weather's not really that bad.

zip up your coat or jacket, which is inexplicably wide open and flapping in the wind.

wear a hat.

put on a scarf.

get some mittens.

add a sweater, or even a pair of tights or longjohns, under what should be your seasonally appropriate outerwear.

and, if it's especially brisk or snowy out, perhaps opt for boots* instead of your sneakers or heels. (*NOT unlined, rubber rain boots. WINTER boots.) at the very least, your shoes should be closed, not open-toed. seriously. it's december, fer cryin' out loud.

this way, the next time you're interviewed on the TV news and asked for your comments on the cold temperatures, i'll be able to take you and your ilk seriously if you complain.

thank you.

signed,
i love winter and stay warm with ease.

p.s. this letter is also directed squarely at you, frozen hipster dude in your late-20s, hurrying along bay street in a shortened schoolgirl kilt, matching knee socks and a scarf-less, hat-less, mitt-less jacket this morning. your cheeks were red, the exposed skin on your thighs was bright pink, and i couldn't help but look at you and think, "really? was today honestly the best day to try to pull off this look, mr. hipcicle?"